MyNation Foundation Forum » Advice » Domestic Violence

Regular issues make life like a ****

(8 posts)
  • Started 3 years ago by marriage@0305
  • Latest reply from Dr.Dsouza
  1. marriage@0305
    Member

    Dear Sir,
    I have been in a relation with my wife since last four years. we are continuously fighting with each other on many issues like late sitting in office, going around with friends, distrust, my family etc. After spending four years i came to conclusion that she will not change herself and i am not in a stage to tolerate her more.
    We have our own flat on the name of mine and my father. Now after spending 3.5 years with her in a joined family with daily issues we have decided to move from that house for a better life. but she did not want to leave that house so easily and hence i lie to her that we will come back after six months and at that time no one else is there. i was thinking she might be changed but after six months she again started to argue on all those topics. because of our regular fights we lost baby during her pregnancy and now she is blaming me for that. she is telling everyone that i beat her, i abused her and that's why we lost our baby. she is now demanding for that house and continuously fighting with me to get back in to that house. she want me to fulfill that promise and to ask my parents and my younger brother to move away from that house.
    I told her that i can ask my brother and his family to shift somewhere else but not my mom and dad. but she is not agree to that.
    these regular debates was so continuous that i was not able to concentrate on my office work also. she continuously make a call on mobile and started discussing all these issues. also if switched off my mobile then she started to call on my desk number. i found difficult to survive in my current job.
    so finally i decide to go away from her. luckily i got one overseas job. i told her about this and also told her that i will take her along with me after 2-3 months. but she is saying the same thing again and again that she will not let my family to stay in that house.
    my father has already cleared my outstanding home loan amount and also ready to help financially if i am planning to buy a new home. but my wife is not ready to shift in any other home other than that house.

    so if i went abroad and break contact with her and after going there if i refused to take her along with me then what worst will happen? can i file divorce case from abroad?

    Posted 3 years ago #
  2. Dr.Dsouza
    Member

    there is confusion about foreign divorce is valid/not valid.
    whatever as you married here in india, you should get Divorce from india only. as you both are not staying abroad.

    before that collect all her harassment details, else its difficult to get divorce and use some LANDMARK judgments for support your claim

    for good judgments refer http://mynation.net/docs/

    Posted 3 years ago #
  3. marriage@0305
    Member

    Thank you for the reply.
    I have collected proofs like her recording, videos etc. I told my wife that i don't want to continue this relationship anymore but she is not agree for that. She told me that she will not leave me so easily. Also i have talked to her parents about this for several times. Her parents are saying that If you do not want to continue with her then don't tell us. u and your parents take care of this issue else you bring her back to our home permanently but they will not come here to take her back and any further discussion. Now before going I told her that for few months just stay along with your parents as she doesn't like to stay with my parents but she straight away refused and told me that i will stay here only. i don't find difficult to stay alone here. my planning was once reaching there i will not be in a contact with her and will not take her there. i wanted to discuss all these issues before going there but i am scared if she done some thing wrong then i will not be able to go there. Now is there any way by which I can stay there alone without any legal issue? My wife is not having any idea abut exactly where am i going and in which company? If i break contact with her after going there then what kind of legal actions she can take against me? and if she takes then are there any precautions which i can do for avoiding future consequences?

    Posted 3 years ago #
  4. Dr.Dsouza
    Member

    if house where she stay is in your name then she can claim share of it or you cannt kick her out. taking care of your parents is your Duty but taking care of your wife is your responsibility. you cannt abandon her just like that.

    talk to her to settle it amicably, to changer her attitude and adjust with you, and the same time you have to compromise to some of her terms also, marriage is not winning over someone else its sharing of problems and happiness.

    go to nuetral counseller with your and her parents and tell each other what you have to do and you should not do. then decide stay together or not.

    if you leave as you wrote, she can file case of Domestic violence,maintenance and share of your property.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  5. marriage@0305
    Member

    Dear Sir,

    We have been in this relationship since last four years and these stupids fights are not new to us. And i think four years time is sufficient to know about the strength, kindness, maturity and problem solving attitude of any person. you said very well that taking care of parents is my duty and my wife is my responsibility. but i can not forget my duty by being loyal to my responsibility. i don't want to kick my wife out rather i am willing to take her back to my home. but she want me keep away from my duties as they didn't treat with her properly. Also she doesn't let me to start new life with her by keeping all those things out of mind. Sir, i think to live happily two hearts should involved with each other is sufficient not a 2bhk house. Whatever ways you have told me, we have already adopted those processes. we met two lawyers for counselling, one private doctor as a psychiatric. But all those attempts have gone to vein. Her parents and she is not ready to discuss all these issues with any counselor. My wife thinks that whatever she thought is perfectly fine and it will not get changed.
    my house is on the name of mine and father. Father is ready to give me whatever money i had involved in that house and also ready to help me financially to take a new house for me. But this option is not acceptable to my wife. Now my parents said if she wants this house then bring her here, we all will go somewhere else. I told my wife like this and also told her that once we go there you also have to change yourself. you should not fight with me if i go to meet my parents, you should not fight with me if i sit late in the office for extra work and prime thing is you should not show any distrust on me like i am having an affair with someone. but she is not ready to accept those things. She is saying that living in that house is my right and if i do so then i am not doing some extra-ordinary thing. so she will not let me do those things and will continue to fight on those issues.
    Now sir tell me, i am saying my parents to leave that house, they are also ready to do that and if all of us are compromising up to this level then why she is not ready to step back at some extent.
    Sir, it is very difficult to give answers to many questions which are not required. It is very difficult to digest the thing that I need to discuss for 2-3 hours with my wife if i need to go out of station for my office work. it is difficult to make her believe that I am seriously going to meet my friends, not any girlfriend. It looks good if you are doing those things for 2--3 times but every time spending and making her believe on those issues really gives lot of trouble. I scared to tell her about my plans by thinking that how much time she will spend on discussing on those. I had cancelled too many seminars of my office which were very important for my carrier just because of these nonsense. Rather i have changed 3 companies just because her phone calls in my office.
    Now how many times i need to talk to her and how can i make her realize that you also need to do some compromises. She doesn't talk to my parents, she doesn't allow them to come to my house in which right now we are staying on a rent. if they come then she literally go out of house and come back when they leave from my house. Sir all these things are acceptable, but by doing all these things also she is not satisfied that the only thing which makes me unstable and resist me for doing anything for her. Now if i know all those things, then how can i think to continue this relationship anymore?

    Posted 3 years ago #
  6. Dr.Dsouza
    Member

    if she so stuborn to mend her way of thinking and attitude it is better kick her out.
    make house in mother name. change your name from your all movable or imoveable properties.

    You should not ask Parents to leave the house, look after them is your duty, and that comes by birth, if she is not ready adjust and live together and harassing, then you have right to deny your responsibility.

    just go away without telling her where you go, all make a letter with all your proofs of her harassment and send it to your Police in speed post just before leaving the country

    Posted 3 years ago #
  7. marriage@0305
    Member

    Dear Sir,

    Thanks a lot for your reply. I really surprised that how you managed to go through all of these lengthy mails and answering all those in a short time. Really sir, hats of to you. we really got some sort of relaxation just because of you all are there. I will do as you told me. I hope in future there will not be any problem for my carrier as well as personal life. Once again thank you sir.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  8. Dr.Dsouza
    Member

    i am doing this, because I AM ONE OF YOU. and doing this for last 13 years.
    i also gone through same pain and still suffering. that's how i know how painful it is. and what you are going through.
    i console myself after reading others real life stories which are worst than me, thats how i survived. so i should thankful to you all.

    Posted 3 years ago #

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