MyNation Foundation Forum » Advice » Domestic Violence

Need a advice to get out of these regular issues

(14 posts)
  • Started 6 years ago by human2011
  • Latest reply from Dr.Dsouza
  1. sasodekar
    Member

    Dear human2011, Your write up itself must have been a relaxing exercise to you, as you were carrying all that grudge/thoughts to share with someone. You must share your mind with some one who understand, as it can provide you relief and then motive to focus on what is to be done. But never take a decision in carried away thoughts. Many times, people near and dears, suggest based on their own perception. As Adv Khachave wrote, that your problem is still cooking and can be solved. I know its very difficult to remain cool and peacefully. But then other than that, you do not have any resource right now. Even it can affect your mental health a lot. They say live with the problem or leave the problem, if you do not have any answer/solution. At this moment, rest of members of this forum having legal experience, will definitely suggest you way out, as long as you are ready with your decision. But I know you may be in need of some one to tell you what to do? What is right or what is wrong in such case??.. Believe me, everyone will describe an Elephant in his own style the way and that much he/she has seen. Otherwise Elephant is very big, and you need to see all around to understand and built your judgement. In other way, suggestive is wait and watch. Can I suggest you, if you can do little make over in your behavior? Why can't you become little romantic than you are in day to day confrontations?...may sound funny/crazy....but at this stage when you do not have child and you are in your 30's!, and many other issues, lets give it a try in other way. In today's modern age, definitely, its a call of father/elderly in house if at all possible to facilitate a separate living, allowing privacy. I do not blame anyone here. But precaution is better than cure!. Hence please see, first by talking with your parents peacefully, if they agree to it? Else you need to explain them future possibilities. I am sure no parent will accept that, Son is getting bitten up between wife and parental wheel. On the other hand- if your father is earning, your brother is earning, it may be a time as an elderly Son to suggest some ways amicably, that can lead to peaceful life for all.... Other than that, all women are same when talking about expectation from Husband, as you have described in detail- like, getting suspicious when not answering a call or getting late, or not remembering important dates etc.... I am sure, now you must have lost faith of your wife even if you go to her with a special birthday or wedding anniversary gift...she may not appreciate it. But try doing few little things step by step, that may pacify her...She can have every way to look for doubt or negative in your act. But if you are trying then better assuming that you will not get success!!...will reduce your own set back. I am sure you must have tried few pacifying acts or pleasing acts by taking her to movie or garden etc etc.... Unfortunately, todays lady/girl lives under influence of media, TV, serials, and may be Ekta Kapoor....the worst one. In doing so, many times, premarital counselling helps.....which explains a girl her role...and removes all sort of misunderstanding false images, carried away thoughts, by society, media etc etc. Its does not require any proof why people turn to ways of Bangali baba/some one who can do miracles..after passing thorough such phase of life!!. I am sure one of the reason why you must be spending some extra time in office is to avoid such confrontation at home....but be aware, the more you resist it will persist. The more you run away from it, more it will hit you hard. They say, destroy the fear before it approaches you. Hence, do not get panic. Accept it, whatever happening with you to cool down yourself. Think that you are one of the brave hearts to whom God has offered these sufferings ( because, you have courage to bear it..).

    Coming back to simple tips as mentioned above, if you have already tried ways to meet her simple demands- like keeping the commitment, saying some love message like ILU on phone etc.. ( I know difficult to do so soon..), caring when she is really loaded by work.. helping literally in her kitchen work on your weekends....offering her cup of tea made by you..etc. I know doing so in joint family is not possible, as we some time live with undue circumstances and orthodox routines. Lets reduce the tension and you yourself try to be a easy going and little humorous person while dealing day to day affairs. I am able to suggest this only because, there is very little time you have spent together, and cautiously you can try few tools before reaching ultimate decisions.. Your decision of separation for me looks out of frustration and giving up. All members on this group as already said, have passed through more or less similar pains....and no one will simply expect that you should separate for just the above written facts. .. Lets try reading your own write up again, and try to see, where you can meet her feminine ( with role as newly married girl approach!) demands reasonably, without exaggeration. If she do not like; why come late from office? Be professional- work only that mush you are getting paid for, Are you overindulging in friends? Try reducing it or stop it for some time. I mean to say, if these all are "triggers or say sparks" that ignite "fire" between you both, lets identify those such triggers. You have to help yourself now. No need to beg or scare or show your need all the times. Please understand here that, no one (including your parents) will understand you unless you completely understand this typical situation in joint family. Having said this, you are the best judge now to see, if she can be OK/happy living separate and not in joint family. But to make all these attempts, wishful thinking, you need to keep yourself quite and calm so that you can see clear picture. Its very critical phase. But I am sure you can do that, after reading your urge to understand her. I conclude my write up by saying that- Even if you bring a moon for her to satisfy, she will find a spot on it, so, its your wisdom, that should guide you to take ultimate decision.

    Very important now onwards is be more active now. Be smart than aggressive. Always have a watchful eye on her behavior. Do not loose your temper at least while talking to her. OR do not become a reason for her to get annoyed. Keep records of all suggested things by other members in case there is future threats...

    fight back...

    Well wiser..
    SVA

    Posted 5 years ago #
  2. Dr.Dsouza
    Member

    Good writeup sasodekar
    and thank you for taking time to write such long reply.
    keep it up, hope we will see more wisdom from you in future.

    Posted 5 years ago #

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