MyNation Foundation Forum » Advice » Domestic Violence

Need a advice to get out of these regular issues

(14 posts)
  • Started 5 years ago by human2011
  • Latest reply from Dr.Dsouza
  1. human2011
    Member

    I am 30 years old belong to middle class family and staying at thane with my parents and younger brother. I got the reference of your site through one of my friend. He had already contacted you and got useful information from the experienced people like you.

    I had done my engineering and currently working as an electrical engineer at Powai. As I already told you that I belong to middle class family, my mom and dad are not modern that much. Their thinking is like an old generation people. I can not say in all the things but in certain things they have their own opinion which they strongly hold with them.

    Before two years i.e in May 2009, I got married with lots of hopes and dreams of a new life with my partner. Her name is ash. She is an autocad draughtsman and working t vashi. First two months of our marriage were awesome. Both of us thought that we met with a right person and showed gratitude towards god for tying our knots with each other. But after spending some time together that confidence, trust started to destabilize.

    The things began like this. I will explain you all the consequences of my life in detail so it will be easier to understand the things and also to get the proper advice for you.

    At the time of my marriage my elder sister, who is staying at Mumbai, was pregnant. So to complete all those things my mom went to her house and stayed there around two three months. During this period my wife had handled the total responsibility of house work very cleverly. She had managed to do the house work as well as office work. She doesn’t like anybody interference in her work. She always thinks that whatever and however she done things is the right way of doing it.

    I had taken a leave for about 20-25 days for my marriage. At that time project, on which I was working, was in the completion stage. So I was had an idea that after coming back from the leave the work load will be quite large. To complete the balanced work in a specified schedule I had to sit late in the evening after office hours. This all were happening just because of my office work. From this time whatever trust we had gained in last one or one and half months started fluctuating. Since that time my wife was feeling that I am having an extra marital affair. As per her that is the main thing which made me to sit late in the office, short time conversation during the office time. Because as per her any new man who is just got married will not sit late in the office, will not have short time conversation, always think about her wife and always try to spend his most of time with his wife only. These all things she had concluded by saying that I am losing interest in her. In this scenario, after office hours if she came to know that I am going with my colleague (of course with one lady) then her doubts come in to reality and she started to call me frequently to discuss all those topics. In spite of saying many times that whatever she was thinking it was wrong, it was just her imagination but no use of that. And to avoid these kinds of things I started to switch off my phone. Then she started to discuss all those things in our bedroom. That discussion was going on till 2 or 3 O clock in the night. And there is not anything wrong in this as per her.

    My wife is very possessive and egoistic. She wants always to be with me like at the time of going to the office, coming back from the office, on Sundays. And this is not the bad thing. I also tried to spend most of the time with her only. But sometimes I was not able to do all those things because of some office work, meeting with my friends. But she was not ready to know all those things. She was getting angry if I came late at the station to pick up her by five or ten minutes. And because of this she used to start discussion on that thing for the next hour. “Why are you coming late? For others you reach in a time but when I told you anything to do then always you do like this. I know you are coming late purposely by thinking that next time I will not wait and will not call you at the station.” I used to take a bike to pick up her from the station. She doesn’t sit on that until I answered to all those questions. And she started doing all these things on the road itself. She doesn’t bother about what other people will think? They are staring at us? Never, she thought about this. Whatever I answered her; as per her those are only excuses which I told her to get a chance to keep away from her. She thinks that I should not think about any other activities than spending most of the time with her. Moving with friends, going to friend’s birthday celebration without her, going for a picnic without her are the rubbish things and I strongly not permitted to do all these things. If still I done this then whole day she used to spend in the debate until I promised her to take her also along with me in future.

    To clear her misunderstandings and to avoid a stupid fights in between us I started to avoid the things like meeting with friends, going for a picnic, talking over a phone with my colleagues etc. but after some time I realized that it is not working. She is not satisfying with those things. I asked her many times that what the problem is? All the time she used to tell only one reason of her dissatisfaction that her mind says that whatever I am doing for her is not from my heart. All those things I am doing just to avoid long time debates and that’s all. I told him many times that no, that is not correct. I am doing it from my heart only. It may not appear on my face every time or sometime you may be wrong to predict the right thing. But no, she was not ready to accept those explanations. So whatever I had done for her all gone to ****. Again I had to start from zero by keeping the hope that this time she may judge the things in a right way. Those things helped to keep her quiet for four to five days. Again if I told her that I m staying late in office for an extra work she used to start her regular conversation. The only solution on this was to switch off my mobile. But she got my office landline number and then started to call on my office land line number. She doesn’t bother about all other things until and unless she finishes her all frustration over that phone.

    These were the things which were going wrong in between us. But when my mom came back to home she had also started to behave like a typical saas. She started to interfere in her work in small activities also. She wants a proper way of doing work from her. But it was not possible as my wife was not having that much of time. Finally when my mom realized that after telling many times to my wife she is doing the same things again and again she also started to become somewhat violent with her. I can understand that doing office work and house work is not an easy thing and that’s why I told my mom to ignore some of the things of her and if she had any problem with her not to make an issue. After some days when my wife realized or she made her mind like though by doing all the things cleverly no body appreciate her, she started getting tired of doing all this office work and house work alone. Then she was expecting my help as well as whoever staying with us in that house likes my dad, my brother should also help to her. Help means like my father and my wife taking lunch box in their office. My wife is having fast on Tuesday. So on that day she has to make something only for dad Tiffin. She was expecting that some time my dad should say that if no body is taking Tiffin then don’t make all these time consuming things just only for me. Make something small like snacks and go to the office. She was expecting from all of us that we told her to leave the house right on the time to reach the office early. If some work is pending then let my mom do the rest of work. But mom and dad asked her to wake up little bit early in the morning if she is getting late for the office. But she was not ready to do that. She wants mom and all other people should help her in doing things instead of telling her to wake up early in the morning.

    During the staring days my mom and dad was expecting from both of us to take over the responsibility of the house. They were expecting that we should give the first importance for house work and then for our life enjoyment. That is why whenever we planned for a vacation, or any other things which involves money they don’t like those things and that’s why they don’t show their much interest in those things. But I was thinking as already lots of misunderstanding had already present in between me and my wife and this time also if I gave preference to my parent’s thoughts then our relationship will started to get spoiled.

    So during those days I started to ignore my parent saying which I also thought those things were not meaningful and trying to do the things which will flourish the relationship of my wife and me. Like planned picnics, going for a movie, shopping, Sunday evening we used to go outside etc etc.

    But you know human behavior doesn’t get changed. Same thing was happening with my mom as well as my wife. My mom was getting disturbed by small mistakes and vice versa. The only difference is that my mom had started insulting her in front of anybody and my wife started to hand over all those things to me whenever I am in the office. But even though lots of misunderstandings are present in both of them my mom was never stop talking with her. But my wife started to avoid her and decided not to bother about her too much.

    After completion of one year everyone (mom, dad and sister) started asking about our family planning. They want us to break that as early as possible because late pregnancy will have some difficulties for woman. But that thing also made my wife very irritating. Why all these people are interfering in our lives? Do we ask them about their personal life? Then why and who are they to ask us those kind of personal questions to us?
    My wife used to get disturb when my sister came to my house to spend some days with us. The reason behind this was the work load was more and as per her no one helped her during those days. She was excepting that my mom and my sister should be ready with the dinner before she came from office. And because of all those things she also stopped talking with my sister. She doesn’t go to her house even though we passed in front of her house. She also doesn’t like that I took some gifts for her children. She wants me to stop spending money on her.

    My wife is also a working woman. At the starting she used to give her salary to my parents. I told her to keep some amount which was sufficient for her to do the daily expenditure. If in any case she wants some additional money then she was free to ask to me as well as my parents. But my parents are also very rigid in the matters where money is involved. They don’t say yes easily for the additional money for the reason which is not important as per them. So we both have decided to keep her salary with her only and told my parents like that. Now she is not giving a single amount of her salary to anybody. Not to me also. If some time I am in a need of money and if I took it from her then she continuously asking for that money to me. Now as I know she is holding total salary with her, I never think about asking for some additional money her. I thought she will manage with her salary and if something is needed then she will tell me. Whenever she asked for money I never said no to her. Whenever we go for a vacation, for a shopping or in a restaurant I never took a single amount from her. After doing all those things also she is blaming me till now that you don’t help me financially. If I not be a working woman then I would have been in a great trouble. As per her, she is not getting any love from her husband, any support from my parents and any kind of financial help from me as well as my parents then what is the use of leaving in my house? And if my husband is not capable of fulfilling my needs then what is use of getting married with him? Instead of doing this it had better if she would have married with the simple graduate person with a lower salary. Might she have got a true love from him?

    So I decided to discuss all those things in front of all my family members. I tried to request everyone to stay like a family members. I told mom that try to ignore to the mistakes done by my wife and also told my wife not to take the words of mom very seriously. But this doesn’t help me anymore.

    I was in a difficult phase. I couldn’t left my parents and couldn’t stay with my wife in a separate flat. Because it was not only the family problem which was present in between us but that bonding and restrictions made by my wife for me were also still there. In this house I was feeling myself somewhat free to do the things whichever I wanted but that thought of separation from my parents was like a scary thought for me.

    So I decided to become a habitual to all those things and living on a hope that someday it will come down and everything will be fine. But nothing was going like that. Lots of problems were started to take place in our relationship. Her anger towards my mom had reached to an extreme stage that one day she wrote a letter mentioning that if she committed suicide because of the mentally harassment then for that my mom will be wholly responsible. That letter she showed to me and gave me the picture about the extreme heights up to which she can think of!!!

    My wife started to become an angry by very small things. If I refuse to do something asked by her then she started talking rubbish things. She strictly stopped me from going for a picnic, meeting with friends, attending office seminars just by saying that you always tell me problems whenever I asked you to take me somewhere for a vacation. If you are not taking me along with you somewhere for a vacation I will not allow you to do the things which will give some relaxation. We both of us went for a vacation at ganapatipule for two days, two times at lonavala with my friend and his wife, one time at mahabaleshwar with that same friend and every Sunday we used to go at thane or mulund. All those things become insignificant, when I wanted to go somewhere alone. For eg to meet my friend, for a picnic or going to some relatives. If I don’t make a call to her right on the scheduled time then also she started doing an argument for an hour to two hours. She ignores all the reasons told by me like busy in the meeting or I am with my boss. She was thinking that I am making her fool and trying to avoid her and her phone calls. So she continuously tries to call me. And if it will get continue like this then I was sure that my official carrier will get disturbed.

    So I decided to discuss all these issues with her parents. I told them about all these things and got a hope that they will try to explain her about the right things and wrong things? But the result was strange. She became angrier. She blame me that you are capable of sorting our own problems and how did I think that by doing this our problem will get solved. After this she was free to do anything. Now she feels free to do any debate on any topic on any time and for long duration with me by knowing the fact that what maximum I can do? Up to the extreme limit he can only complain to my parents but after that whenever he will be in the office she will take a revenge of it.

    Recently we took a new car. For that dad and I gave the finance. Now my wife is having a problem with that also. Initially she told me to finance all the money and be a single owner of that. But I was also running short of money hence I took a help from my dad. Now when my brother and his wife or my family members took a drive of that car without us my wife started boiling. as per her those who have not done any contribution for that car doesn’t have any rights to take a ride of that car. Also she doesn’t allow me took that car to my sister’s house.

    All are these issues are becoming reasons for our daily debates. Everyday for any of the reason she started to fight with me. And the typical reasons of all fights are my mom, dad, my brother, his wife, my opinions towards her questions etc.

    I don’t want to spoil our relationship because of these smaller issues. But I tried a lot to understand my wife problem and finally realize that I will not able to understand her and she will not also try to understand my feelings towards her. She wants me to ask explanation to everyone for their activities towards my wife. If my brother took a car for his office and he doesn’t asked to my wife whether to drop her to station or not then also she wants me to ask him a explanation of why he had done like that?

    So finally I want to get a separation from her. Sometimes when she gets angry she used to tell me that she is also not interested in staying with me but after separation also she will do the same things whatever she was doing till now.

    Please advice me what to do in this case?

    I am 30 years old belong to middle class family and staying at thane with my parents and younger brother. I got the reference of your site through one of my friend. He had already contacted you and got useful information from the experienced people like you.

    I had done my engineering and currently working as an electrical engineer at Powai. As I already told you that I belong to middle class family, my mom and dad are not modern that much. Their thinking is like an old generation people. I can not say in all the things but in certain things they have their own opinion which they strongly hold with them.

    Before two years i.e in May 2009, I got married with lots of hopes and dreams of a new life with my partner. Her name is ash. She is an autocad draughtsman and working t vashi. First two months of our marriage were awesome. Both of us thought that we met with a right person and showed gratitude towards god for tying our knots with each other. But after spending some time together that confidence, trust started to destabilize.

    The things began like this. I will explain you all the consequences of my life in detail so it will be easier to understand the things and also to get the proper advice for you.

    At the time of my marriage my elder sister, who is staying at Mumbai, was pregnant. So to complete all those things my mom went to her house and stayed there around two three months. During this period my wife had handled the total responsibility of house work very cleverly. She had managed to do the house work as well as office work. She doesn’t like anybody interference in her work. She always thinks that whatever and however she done things is the right way of doing it.

    I had taken a leave for about 20-25 days for my marriage. At that time project, on which I was working, was in the completion stage. So I was had an idea that after coming back from the leave the work load will be quite large. To complete the balanced work in a specified schedule I had to sit late in the evening after office hours. This all were happening just because of my office work. From this time whatever trust we had gained in last one or one and half months started fluctuating. Since that time my wife was feeling that I am having an extra marital affair. As per her that is the main thing which made me to sit late in the office, short time conversation during the office time. Because as per her any new man who is just got married will not sit late in the office, will not have short time conversation, always think about her wife and always try to spend his most of time with his wife only. These all things she had concluded by saying that I am losing interest in her. In this scenario, after office hours if she came to know that I am going with my colleague (of course with one lady) then her doubts come in to reality and she started to call me frequently to discuss all those topics. In spite of saying many times that whatever she was thinking it was wrong, it was just her imagination but no use of that. And to avoid these kinds of things I started to switch off my phone. Then she started to discuss all those things in our bedroom. That discussion was going on till 2 or 3 O clock in the night. And there is not anything wrong in this as per her.

    My wife is very possessive and egoistic. She wants always to be with me like at the time of going to the office, coming back from the office, on Sundays. And this is not the bad thing. I also tried to spend most of the time with her only. But sometimes I was not able to do all those things because of some office work, meeting with my friends. But she was not ready to know all those things. She was getting angry if I came late at the station to pick up her by five or ten minutes. And because of this she used to start discussion on that thing for the next hour. “Why are you coming late? For others you reach in a time but when I told you anything to do then always you do like this. I know you are coming late purposely by thinking that next time I will not wait and will not call you at the station.” I used to take a bike to pick up her from the station. She doesn’t sit on that until I answered to all those questions. And she started doing all these things on the road itself. She doesn’t bother about what other people will think? They are staring at us? Never, she thought about this. Whatever I answered her; as per her those are only excuses which I told her to get a chance to keep away from her. She thinks that I should not think about any other activities than spending most of the time with her. Moving with friends, going to friend’s birthday celebration without her, going for a picnic without her are the rubbish things and I strongly not permitted to do all these things. If still I done this then whole day she used to spend in the debate until I promised her to take her also along with me in future.

    To clear her misunderstandings and to avoid a stupid fights in between us I started to avoid the things like meeting with friends, going for a picnic, talking over a phone with my colleagues etc. but after some time I realized that it is not working. She is not satisfying with those things. I asked her many times that what the problem is? All the time she used to tell only one reason of her dissatisfaction that her mind says that whatever I am doing for her is not from my heart. All those things I am doing just to avoid long time debates and that’s all. I told him many times that no, that is not correct. I am doing it from my heart only. It may not appear on my face every time or sometime you may be wrong to predict the right thing. But no, she was not ready to accept those explanations. So whatever I had done for her all gone to ****. Again I had to start from zero by keeping the hope that this time she may judge the things in a right way. Those things helped to keep her quiet for four to five days. Again if I told her that I m staying late in office for an extra work she used to start her regular conversation. The only solution on this was to switch off my mobile. But she got my office landline number and then started to call on my office land line number. She doesn’t bother about all other things until and unless she finishes her all frustration over that phone.

    These were the things which were going wrong in between us. But when my mom came back to home she had also started to behave like a typical saas. She started to interfere in her work in small activities also. She wants a proper way of doing work from her. But it was not possible as my wife was not having that much of time. Finally when my mom realized that after telling many times to my wife she is doing the same things again and again she also started to become somewhat violent with her. I can understand that doing office work and house work is not an easy thing and that’s why I told my mom to ignore some of the things of her and if she had any problem with her not to make an issue. After some days when my wife realized or she made her mind like though by doing all the things cleverly no body appreciate her, she started getting tired of doing all this office work and house work alone. Then she was expecting my help as well as whoever staying with us in that house likes my dad, my brother should also help to her. Help means like my father and my wife taking lunch box in their office. My wife is having fast on Tuesday. So on that day she has to make something only for dad Tiffin. She was expecting that some time my dad should say that if no body is taking Tiffin then don’t make all these time consuming things just only for me. Make something small like snacks and go to the office. She was expecting from all of us that we told her to leave the house right on the time to reach the office early. If some work is pending then let my mom do the rest of work. But mom and dad asked her to wake up little bit early in the morning if she is getting late for the office. But she was not ready to do that. She wants mom and all other people should help her in doing things instead of telling her to wake up early in the morning.

    During the staring days my mom and dad was expecting from both of us to take over the responsibility of the house. They were expecting that we should give the first importance for house work and then for our life enjoyment. That is why whenever we planned for a vacation, or any other things which involves money they don’t like those things and that’s why they don’t show their much interest in those things. But I was thinking as already lots of misunderstanding had already present in between me and my wife and this time also if I gave preference to my parent’s thoughts then our relationship will started to get spoiled.

    So during those days I started to ignore my parent saying which I also thought those things were not meaningful and trying to do the things which will flourish the relationship of my wife and me. Like planned picnics, going for a movie, shopping, Sunday evening we used to go outside etc etc.

    But you know human behavior doesn’t get changed. Same thing was happening with my mom as well as my wife. My mom was getting disturbed by small mistakes and vice versa. The only difference is that my mom had started insulting her in front of anybody and my wife started to hand over all those things to me whenever I am in the office. But even though lots of misunderstandings are present in both of them my mom was never stop talking with her. But my wife started to avoid her and decided not to bother about her too much.

    After completion of one year everyone (mom, dad and sister) started asking about our family planning. They want us to break that as early as possible because late pregnancy will have some difficulties for woman. But that thing also made my wife very irritating. Why all these people are interfering in our lives? Do we ask them about their personal life? Then why and who are they to ask us those kind of personal questions to us?
    My wife used to get disturb when my sister came to my house to spend some days with us. The reason behind this was the work load was more and as per her no one helped her during those days. She was excepting that my mom and my sister should be ready with the dinner before she came from office. And because of all those things she also stopped talking with my sister. She doesn’t go to her house even though we passed in front of her house. She also doesn’t like that I took some gifts for her children. She wants me to stop spending money on her.

    My wife is also a working woman. At the starting she used to give her salary to my parents. I told her to keep some amount which was sufficient for her to do the daily expenditure. If in any case she wants some additional money then she was free to ask to me as well as my parents. But my parents are also very rigid in the matters where money is involved. They don’t say yes easily for the additional money for the reason which is not important as per them. So we both have decided to keep her salary with her only and told my parents like that. Now she is not giving a single amount of her salary to anybody. Not to me also. If some time I am in a need of money and if I took it from her then she continuously asking for that money to me. Now as I know she is holding total salary with her, I never think about asking for some additional money her. I thought she will manage with her salary and if something is needed then she will tell me. Whenever she asked for money I never said no to her. Whenever we go for a vacation, for a shopping or in a restaurant I never took a single amount from her. After doing all those things also she is blaming me till now that you don’t help me financially. If I not be a working woman then I would have been in a great trouble. As per her, she is not getting any love from her husband, any support from my parents and any kind of financial help from me as well as my parents then what is the use of leaving in my house? And if my husband is not capable of fulfilling my needs then what is use of getting married with him? Instead of doing this it had better if she would have married with the simple graduate person with a lower salary. Might she have got a true love from him?

    So I decided to discuss all those things in front of all my family members. I tried to request everyone to stay like a family members. I told mom that try to ignore to the mistakes done by my wife and also told my wife not to take the words of mom very seriously. But this doesn’t help me anymore.

    I was in a difficult phase. I couldn’t left my parents and couldn’t stay with my wife in a separate flat. Because it was not only the family problem which was present in between us but that bonding and restrictions made by my wife for me were also still there. In this house I was feeling myself somewhat free to do the things whichever I wanted but that thought of separation from my parents was like a scary thought for me.

    So I decided to become a habitual to all those things and living on a hope that someday it will come down and everything will be fine. But nothing was going like that. Lots of problems were started to take place in our relationship. Her anger towards my mom had reached to an extreme stage that one day she wrote a letter mentioning that if she committed suicide because of the mentally harassment then for that my mom will be wholly responsible. That letter she showed to me and gave me the picture about the extreme heights up to which she can think of!!!

    My wife started to become an angry by very small things. If I refuse to do something asked by her then she started talking rubbish things. She strictly stopped me from going for a picnic, meeting with friends, attending office seminars just by saying that you always tell me problems whenever I asked you to take me somewhere for a vacation. If you are not taking me along with you somewhere for a vacation I will not allow you to do the things which will give some relaxation. We both of us went for a vacation at ganapatipule for two days, two times at lonavala with my friend and his wife, one time at mahabaleshwar with that same friend and every Sunday we used to go at thane or mulund. All those things become insignificant, when I wanted to go somewhere alone. For eg to meet my friend, for a picnic or going to some relatives. If I don’t make a call to her right on the scheduled time then also she started doing an argument for an hour to two hours. She ignores all the reasons told by me like busy in the meeting or I am with my boss. She was thinking that I am making her fool and trying to avoid her and her phone calls. So she continuously tries to call me. And if it will get continue like this then I was sure that my official carrier will get disturbed.

    So I decided to discuss all these issues with her parents. I told them about all these things and got a hope that they will try to explain her about the right things and wrong things? But the result was strange. She became angrier. She blame me that you are capable of sorting our own problems and how did I think that by doing this our problem will get solved. After this she was free to do anything. Now she feels free to do any debate on any topic on any time and for long duration with me by knowing the fact that what maximum I can do? Up to the extreme limit he can only complain to my parents but after that whenever he will be in the office she will take a revenge of it.

    Recently we took a new car. For that dad and I gave the finance. Now my wife is having a problem with that also. Initially she told me to finance all the money and be a single owner of that. But I was also running short of money hence I took a help from my dad. Now when my brother and his wife or my family members took a drive of that car without us my wife started boiling. as per her those who have not done any contribution for that car doesn’t have any rights to take a ride of that car. Also she doesn’t allow me took that car to my sister’s house.

    All are these issues are becoming reasons for our daily debates. Everyday for any of the reason she started to fight with me. And the typical reasons of all fights are my mom, dad, my brother, his wife, my opinions towards her questions etc.

    I don’t want to spoil our relationship because of these smaller issues. But I tried a lot to understand my wife problem and finally realize that I will not able to understand her and she will not also try to understand my feelings towards her. She wants me to ask explanation to everyone for their activities towards my wife. If my brother took a car for his office and he doesn’t asked to my wife whether to drop her to station or not then also she wants me to ask him a explanation of why he had done like that?

    So finally I want to get a separation from her. Sometimes when she gets angry she used to tell me that she is also not interested in staying with me but after separation also she will do the same things whatever she was doing till now.

    Please advice me what to do in this case ?

    Posted 5 years ago #
  2. ADMIN
    Key Master

    Your long letter itself says, the phase you are passing through.
    After all what she want out of this ?
    and what do you want ?

    498A CRUSADER
    MYNATION.NET
    SUPARI.ORG
    Posted 5 years ago #
  3. human2011
    Member

    thanks for understanding the phase i m passing through. rather that was the main aim of writing such a long letter. i dont know what she wants from me. till now i am trying to know that only. but now i am not able to fulfill her expectations and i also dont want these daily arguments which are spoiling her as well as my life also.
    so i think there is no other way to come out of this than proceed further for the seperation. but i want it with minimum efforts and i wanted to know what are the steps i need to take to achieve this.
    if u have any other solution other than this then please let me know.

    Posted 5 years ago #
  4. Dr.Dsouza
    Member

    it is not only you we all gone through same situation, some may be more.
    anyway when you or feel like, fell out of love, its waste staying together. still if any chance if there is any compromise from both sides its useless stay married.
    if you are thinking divorce her and get marry again, still there is no gurantee that you will find better one...! some found wrost than 1st.....
    anyway thats thier FATE.
    as you asked easy way, but for us MEN in india there are no easy way out unless you are a woMEN, unless you find valid points to claim divorce or else you will Die worse fighting long legal battles.

    Read about Divorce here http://mynation.net/laws/bare-acts/divorceact/divorceact.htm and get some prrofs that she harass you and she dont deserve you.

    Posted 5 years ago #
  5. lawvictim
    Member

    Dear Human2011. I am sorry to hear your story. Very sad. You are trying your best to compromise and resolve the situation but you are stuck with this girl now. Stay calm. Giving in is always a wrong approach. Girls and babies always make others dance on their tunes. They see how far can you be stretched. Only one suggestion: be quiet and be peaceful. Be committed to your work/career. Focus and enhance your skills. Thank god you do not have child yet.

    Posted 5 years ago #
  6. human2011
    Member

    it is not possible to be quiet and peaceful when ths all stuff started in the office. i can not be commited to the work also. u will not be in the stage to tolerate all these things anymore when everyday u found someone is ready with some reason to get upset and after that it is sure tht ur whole day is going to spoil now. u cant explain her everytime.

    i just wanted to know one thing if i look for any job outside mumbai and decided to go there without informing her then what extreme she can do other than searching for me? if she wants to take a help of police then will police consider ths case? and to avoid the police interferance what precautions should i take before leaving mumbai?

    Posted 5 years ago #
  7. Dr.Dsouza
    Member

    in front of you she will tell, she is not interested in you, but if you leave and stay outside Bombay she will tell you deserted her. she can twist her boneless tongue anyway she wanted and Indian Law will listen.
    unless you get some proof of her harassment no one will listen you, then you can ask for judicial seperation

    Posted 5 years ago #
  8. human2011
    Member

    prrof means what kind of proof i need to collect?
    right now i m having recorded conversation of her over a phone. in that one can understand how she talks abt my parents, about me and about all the things which are going wrong as per her. even i have the recorded file in which she told me that she is staying with me just for the sake of society or else she would have left me earlier.
    are these recorded files enough to proove her harassment?

    Posted 5 years ago #
  9. Dr.Dsouza
    Member

    any Audio/video
    verbal abuse,cursing,abuse,threats,swear,sarcastic comments,threats of suicide or harm self etc etc
    but keep it in original source (Mobile/Camera)
    read judgement about Audio/Video evidence here http://mynation.net/docs/sitemap/

    Rest Assured.

    Posted 5 years ago #
  10. Adv.Kachave
    Blocked

    I think your problem is no so serious. You try to to understand her, till having a baby such situation continues, so be calm & try to avoid disputes on such pity matters, after lapse of some period it will be ok. Even though there is problem then legal remedies are there.
    http://www.jaihindlegal.com 9224799546

    Adv.Ramchandra N.Kachave
    98, 2nd floor, Esplanade Mansion,Kala Ghoda, Near City Civil Sessions Court,
    Mumbai-4000023
    Posted 5 years ago #
  11. human2011
    Member

    thank you sir. i also think in a same way that these issues are not so serious to take a big step. but when these small issues are taking place every day then they become a big problem. i m trying to understand her. actually understanding her means do the things in a way she wants. its not possible all the time. i try to be calm. but whenevr things came which she doent like for eg late sitting in the office, going around with friends etc etc she started fighting.
    and do u really think by planning for a baby will solve a problem. i m literally worried for that. if this also doent help us to get out from these regural issues then what will i do?

    Posted 5 years ago #
  12. Dr.Dsouza
    Member

    Now she bLaCKmAiL you alone, when baby comes she will use baby as tool to control you; in the name of child.
    think before you act.
    check what she is upto.
    dont bring innocent child to world when you both are fighting, it is the child who suffer.

    Posted 5 years ago #

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