MyNation Foundation Forum » Advice » 498A

Constent tension

(87 posts)
  • Started 6 years ago by myproblem
  • Latest reply from Dr.Dsouza
  1. myproblem
    Member

    Dear Sir/Mam
    My sister in law who from the very first day creating problem for us is evrytime starts problems such as mental tourchure to my brother by going to his office or by creating unoccured situation.Initialy after marraiage we got to know she is taking sleeping tablets & after that she blamed us all that we are not treating a\her well with the support from his family & then she deceided that she want to leave alone with brother.We agreed but still she is not happy with my brother even.Even copule of times she did Chori but with her mother support she escaped.My brother got married in 2005 and and she stayed with my family for hardly 3 months till day hardly.From 2006 she is not coming to our home,she used to saty with her family when my brother comes to his haouse.Both our family & her family stay in the same town.Now whenevr she want she threatens us for police &she did twice.Now we are planning for judicial separartion.Even they got a girl of 5 yrs.Please jelp me.Every time my parents of 67 &65 yrs face tension for that lady becoz my brother is not happy.Even evrytime we dont do anything becoz her family can file 498 act againg my aged parents.Becoz they did it(Her mother) once in the case of her elder sister.Eevn her mother got a relation with OC of our town.But whenever she did anything worst her family support her & this is the result that this is happeing to our family.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  2. rekha_s
    Member

    your sister-in-law is not adjusting in the joint family. judicial separation is what your brother wants or is it your family's collective decison. will your brother be happy without companion and his daughter? is his daughter found of both the parents? what is the greviances both have?. what are the expections from each other.
    what did she steal?your sister in law does not want any relation with you and your parents but is she stopping your brother and daughter from coming to your parents house?
    there is normal wear and tear in every marriage. most of the time interfearance from parents and relatives (both side) aggreviates the situation. if there is so much of tension, why not the core issues are discussed and resolved. why not you arrange for the meeting between both the family resolve the greviances. or let them take help of marriage councellors then take the final stand. try to avoid 498a situation.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  3. rekha_s
    Member

    You make it clear that his meeting is not out of fear of 498a but an positive efforts from your family to save the marriage for the sake of the child and also with a intention to resolve the greviances let the other family elders be also present as a witness.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  4. rekha_s
    Member

    Prevention is better than cure

    Posted 6 years ago #
  5. rekha_s
    Member

    why will she come to your house when you have cought her doing "chori". you mean she is a thief??? taking something from her matrimonial home cannot be said chori. she is also one of the member of your family and not outsider. she is married to your brother. if she is not coming to your house. you people make a courtesy visit to her house with a small gifts+or sweets. see the difference. try to have good relation with her and she will treat you and your family with same. if you think more of what you can do rather than what others can do . we can avoid most of the problems and live happily.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  6. dearverma
    Member

    waah waah.
    3 claps for rekha ji. i was avoiding this forum but couldnt resist after seeing this womens post.

    rekha ji, why dont we go a step further and suggest few more points
    1. since ur brother wont be happy without his daughter, FORCE him to be happy without parents. after all the parents are old and will die soon.
    2. if she is not happy with courtesy visits+sweets, go there and kneel down and fold ur hands. ask ur parents to also to do the same.
    3. do not say a word if she takes things from her house (though she only visits "this house" like a guest or a boss) and helps her siblings and parents with this.
    4, last but not the least, a man has all the duties and a women has all the rights.

    did i miss anything rekhaji???

    Posted 6 years ago #
  7. rekha_s
    Member

    1. since ur brother wont be happy without his daughter, FORCE him to be happy without parents. after all the parents are old and will die soon.

    what about daughters happiness? look out for a solution where everyone is peaceful. one solution can be staying nearby to parents. you can still remain connected with parents even though you are physically away. Parents always want wellbeing of the children. your brother is also a parent. No one can predict death? we are all going to die one day.

    2. if she is not happy with courtesy visits+sweets, go there and kneel down and fold ur hands. ask ur parents to also to do the same.

    you are not going for begging. giving a courtesy visit/sweets can mean showing respect/concern towards daughter in-law. that will diffinately give assurance to her parents and also improve relation.

    3. do not say a word if she takes things from her house (though she only visits "this house" like a guest or a boss) and helps her siblings and parents with this.

    atleast not "chori"- if she had giving something to her parents or sibling living in a separate house can you dare to say Chori?. conflicts starts here..do you not give gifts or presents to your parents and siblings?do your parents & siblings give gifts to you? what is important is what was that she took (stole). is it a Jwellery of MIL/SIL? or some small houseold article?? whether it was when she was living with you or she was living in different house??

    4, last but not the least, a man has all the duties and a women has all the rights.

    men and women both have their respective duties and rights.? question is do they both follow religiously??

    Posted 6 years ago #
  8. rekha_s
    Member

    dearverma,

    what do you prefer? peace or war?

    Posted 6 years ago #
  9. dearverma
    Member

    i prefer peace with dignity of myself and parents. cannot compromise one bit with my self respect. (there is a very clear bold line between self respect and ego and i know that)

    1. where do u draw a line. what if then she says dont see face of ur parent everyday, then dont visit every week, then dont take food there. where do u draw a line.
    i have no issues with girls who boldly say before marriage that i cannot live with in-laws. in fact i have tremendous respect for their boldness. what about girls who act very coy and readily agree before marriage (clearly knowing that saying no will break the marriage and after marriage we cannot do anything) and after marriage give flimsiest of excuses to stay away from in-laws. what do u say. this behaviour should be totally ignored. u mean totally?

    2. what if courtesy visits results in only them saying their grievances, even false ones in a threatening tone and not listening to ours. and why shouldnt the girls side pay such visits. what advice do you have for such girls and her parents.

    3. okok. u are working day in and day out, ur mom cooking, washing clothes and caring for u. wife comes for few days. abuses everyone, take things from ur house, does not tell you and give as gifts to parents and siblings. excellent. totally justified.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  10. ykgiroh
    Member

    Rekha ji,
    The way you replied for all the questions is the very source of all arguments. All the girls who get married start demanding rights before fulfilling their duties. Ask such girls to fulfil their duties and the magic will automatically happen. the girls these days expect all the family members to change as per her desires but actually never tries to win their hearts. Of course, you are now going to say it otherwise that why should the boy's family not do the same. I think rather than changing 10 people in a family why not to change oneself and avoid all the ego arguments. I think Rekha ji, the girlish qualities are not there in 498a girls and therefore try and force their wishes by threatening... please rekha ji, try to see other side of the picture as well, and come out of that bechari girl frame of mind.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  11. rekha_s
    Member

    there are also men who give assurances of all the support after marriage. but later overlook. before marriage no one can foretell each members attitude/nature/approach and actual difficulties in adjusting. many of the women do adjust in joint family with support from husband. clear communication between the spouses can solve problems. does that happen always? do you also discuss with her before giving gifts and present. do you treat her as your equal partner.

    I am not justifying anybodies negative actions. find out the cause and solution. think as a human being also from other person's point of view also. may you will find the solution. Distressed woman can never be happy and make anyone happy.visa versa

    Posted 6 years ago #
  12. Dr.Dsouza
    Member

    if she harassing then, get some proofs and get in touch with our local members before she file any case on your family.
    lets see what we can do.

    Posted 6 years ago #

RSS feed for this topic

Reply »

You must log in to post.