MyNation Foundation Forum » Advice » 498A

Advice please

(36 posts)
  • Started 6 years ago by kondagai
  • Latest reply from sc432114
  1. kondagai
    Member

    Unable to bear my wife's mental torture, like shouting, abusing me, abusing my parents (even though they live far away), prohibiting me from talking to my parents or brothers or sisters even over phone, not allowing me to take my only son aeven for a small outing like gong to shop or temple, etc., I (married 15 years back) want to live separately, at the same time, i want to take care of my wife's monetary needs, honestly hoping that a short time separation will improve her behaviour. Will my act of living separately, amount to domestic violence under the Domestic Violence Act?

    Posted 6 years ago #
  2. Dr.Dsouza
    Member

    before its too late try to record all her mental torture
    record all proofs of her harassmentl then file for legal seperation.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  3. rekha_s
    Member

    you still are concerned about your wife. 15 year of togetherness is something you cannot forget. and you have a son too. take her and your son for vacation. talk to her. think about the good times together. find out the greviances and resolve it. you too make some adjustment... go for marriage councelling. then you take a final stand.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  4. Dr.Dsouza
    Member

    Wah wah.
    what a advice.
    ' find out the greviances and resolve it' and make adjustment even she is menatly toruring...
    man agreed to pay even she is harassing him. and ppl advice him still make adjustment.
    it means man has to bend till his back breaks. but women hair should not bend.
    thats todays world.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  5. rekha_s
    Member

    life is miserable after the case are filed. defending yourself involves spending lots of money. it is mental torture for everyone. it is better to talk and go for separation and move on in life. do not waste your time. live and let others live.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  6. Dr.Dsouza
    Member

    world will be wonderland and happy place if any women do as Rekha says.
    her advice only for men. it will not apply for women nor they are ready to listen.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  7. sgrover1973
    Member

    I have come across many such cases and from my own experience I am now fully confident that these all are psycho cases.
    My wife also used to do behave in this way and I tried out to counsel her, give her more time to understand whats wrong and she told me that when she was hardly 8 when her youngest sister was born and all the people around her started giving more attention to the new comer and she herself started feeling neglected and used to react, then her brother used to beat her, which caused so much of anger in her.

    I gave her love, respect. She had compartment in BCom when we got engaged and after marriage did NTT, BLib, MLib. Tried hands on MCom twice, which she could not clear.

    She filed CRPC 125 against me, brought her back with lots of persuasion as I love my family, my son and not to forget my parents too. Even staying apart from parents didn't help. And now I'm a 498A accused. Spent 8 days behind bars and still cases are going on. Giving maintenance of 8k per month.

    Still I would say. God is great. I am doing my dharam for my kid and parents. This is best what I can do.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  8. kondagai
    Member

    I forgot to mention that i am facing this torture right from the beginning. I have been adjusting, and adjusting with a lot of patience. I have lost all self respect. After 15 years of married life, she now complains that i have not taken her on honeymoon to a place which she had in mind, even though i have taken her to a lot of tourist places, including a foreign country. For the past 15 months, her torture has gone beyond all limits. She threatens that she will commit suicide. After a lot of pursuation by her parents, i took her to a Psychiatrist, and the treatment she undergoes for more than 6 months, has not brought about any improvement. I secured a job for her to keep herself engaged when I go for work. she is perfectly alright in her work place, but once she is back home, she simply goes to bed neglecting even the minimum required of a housewife. I have engaged a maid servant and also a cook (for just 3 of us). She is still not happy. In fact, Doctors also say that a few months' separation will be goof for both. That is why, i want to know whether this separation (not judicial separation) will amount to domestic violence. I do not know the trick of "acting". whereas she is an expert in this. I seek advice on the provisions/application of the Domestic Violence Act.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  9. Dr.Dsouza
    Member

    Women file DV for no reson, they do not want any reason. this your seperation attempt for sure land you in dva/498a/ipc 1 to 500 plus.
    find out why she is unhappy and what she wanted.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  10. sgrover1973
    Member

    I second Dr. Dsouza.

    Dear, your better half is in worse condition. Any negative act may bring in more negativity and you may land yourself in the category of we all.

    I had tried all things like allowing her to work, study and get the work down through maids. Gone to an extent to do all the household chores, as she didnot allow to keep a maid as she used to suspect me also to have affairs with other women, the list included her own elder sister and my close blood relatives and friends.

    Better get separated from your parents first and get a new Ration Card (Residential proof) for a new place. This will save your parents from the 498 A issue. Try some other psyciatrist. If you really want to live with her, the only remedy is to 'obey her'. My two close uncles do have a wife like these and this is what they have done, all through their lives and saved their marriages.

    My advice is 'Do your best to sustain, still keep your self prepared for the worst'.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  11. rekha_s
    Member

    living ever happily is not possible.. it is only in fairy tales. you will definately land in problem as you now have grown up childrens. necessity of companion is felt only when you grow old when your childrens are settled. life is worse without a family. your parents or sibling will not be there always to support you. love can do miracles. understand why she is unhappy. do not bring the the situation from bad to worst....

    Posted 6 years ago #
  12. sgrover1973
    Member

    True, living ever happily is not possible. But the problem here is, the girl is not mentally fit. These type of girls are psychos, You love them, they will become possessive, won't allow you to go in society, talk to any feminine, start suspecting/blaming you for having relations with other women.

    You ask why is she unhappy, you fulfill one demand in the morning to make her happy. She is unhappy again in the noon,now there is another demand, fulfill it one more round the corner in the evening. The list is endless.
    You will be run over with the Patience one day and with next day you have your 498 A.

    After formation of ****, I guess lets try and build some Old age homes for the 498 A sufferers, because these ladies won't will not allow you to resettle as their own chances of remarriage being 498 A are remote.

    Rekha ji, I loved my woman so much and tried to keep her happy. I moulded my self to think that I'm not having a single kid but two.

    Posted 6 years ago #

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