MyNation Foundation Forum » Advice » 498A

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To all the member

(133 posts)
  1. smi
    Member

    I’m new to this forum. I’m not a legal expert nor I’m victim of any circumstances.
    I read the couple of answers and advices. Most of the answers seems to be very much prejudiced.
    When any dowry harassment victims shares her issues, instead of supporting her members are trying to suppress her. I agree everyone here must have gone through the bad face of life.
    I live in Bangalore. I read news paper and TV every day. An average of 3 women dies because of dowry harassment every week.
    If every 498A case is fake, why do so many married women die every day in India? If 498 A so serious why do ppl still demand dowry during the marriage?

    Posted 6 years ago #
  2. humanbeing
    Member

    Hi smi.....thanks for posting your views....this forum is really biased against women. If a man posts a problem, no questions asked.....but if a woman even says she has been beaten-the men here pounce on her posts and saying inappropriate stuff. I was randomly going through when I noticed the fanaticism. Our society where women are treated in such a disgusting way, has people trying to propagate such stuff....is really sad.
    These men when they find women victims of domestic abuse...justify such abuse. So many women dying are not mere kitchen accidents.....and not just burning women, any kind of abuse against women should be protested against

    We dont need such men...When this is our country's state...
    http://business.rediff.com/report/2009/oct/27/wef-india-ranks-a-poor-114th-in-gender-equality.htm

    Indian men have a reputation of not treating women equally and with respect...!! This is the time to change for better.....we really need something radical that brings equality and justice....while there are people like those in this forum...who have twisted ideas on equality.

    And in-laws are NOT parents..parents dont burn their daughters....lets consider in-laws only as in-laws and keep in mind safety, justice and equality..

    http://www.hindustantimes.com/Woman-burnt-by-in-laws-for-dowry/Article1-526014.aspx

    http://www.ndtv.com/article/cities/woman-burnt-by-husband-in-laws-allegedly-for-dowry-63915

    http://flashnewsnepal.blogspot.com/2010/01/young-woman-burnt-alive-by-own-in-laws.html

    These are just few incidents out of innumerable...guess the "MEN" here will shrug these off as careless, mad and stupid women who "accidentally" died coz of their own stupidities..????

    I am here because I feel the need to change and I really urge women who feel that the way cast and skin color cannot be the basis of inequality and injustice.....same way carrying different reproductive organs cannot be the basis for unfairness and injustice. I hope lot of women, come out and talk in the open, because unless we come out and address such men, we can't get a social change.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  3. maha2us
    Member

    Smi and Humanbeing and others

    What persons like you want in this forum is, people here listen to your complaints. Anyone who tries to make others listen to his/her stuff can be said only as childish. And the same could be said about a person who wants people to validate what he/she says. Adults can't expect that. This forum is there for helping people who are all having a particular type of problems. You can't expect people here to be like psychologists who listen and understand your problems and give you suggestions, even if you have genuine problems. The persons in this forum are suffering from false cases put up their wives and so for helping each other with their own experiences. They have old parents who have to suffer because of the greed of the wife and her family. Why can't you let this forum serve this purpose? I know that there are other forums where the issues you have all sympathetically dealt with. Can't you all address your issues there? In our society, there are mother-in-laws who are cruel to their DILs. But there are also DILs who drive away their MILs and at times husband supports the wife and not his mom. Thus there are all types of people in any society and everyone have to get justice one way or the other. Can you answer how are you all benefited by arguing in this forum? If we can do something to help you, we could willingly do that.

    Cheers,

    Posted 6 years ago #
  4. humanbeing
    Member

    @ Maha....social complaints and issues are childish. Do you think ours in the first complaint here?? You mean everyone who has brought their issues, who is arguing is childish....? Are you not putting your points across?...so you are childish too?? We are putting points across by citing examples of our own life, whats the big deal??....when other cite examples of their own life.....theres is suffering...?? Our are childish arguments??

    So men who blame women here....are sharing "their sufferings"...we are being immature.....!!

    2. Internet forums ARE read NOT just by just members..but by many neutral/people who have different views too. Dont worry, we wont come to your homes and private spaces to put out points across...but wrong views viewable to public will meet resistance. If the purpose of this forum had been just to act agony aunt to few men...I would not have come here....but if the idea is to influence public opinion...then be ready to face the criticism!!

    3. How are we benefiting by arguing here?? We don't do everything for personal benefits.!!...if there are people who over and over again read about men and their injustice and one sided opinions....let them read something else too!!..How about we tell you that if you don't like what we are writing you dont read it instead of asking us to stop posting! We are not arguing with you, coz biased opinions of few men, mean anything to us.......but for presenting the other side of the story on a forum read by general public...!!

    4. If I had wanted sympathy, I would have gone to woman helpline or something....I want a social change in the attitude towards women

    5. Havent heard of too many mothers in law, being burnt by their daughters in law...and this reason is enough to believe....that women who have suffered injustice over a long period of time, want to propagate this further. Its time to break this loop and cycle of injustice...and end women's suffering while they are daughters in law and wives, so that they dont later "convert" into angry mothers in law who want to be "compensated" for their miseries by the next generation of women.

    6. I didn't go to threads where any male was abused...I went to threads where women were abused..and men like you all were suppressing their expression. You all came to the threads to suppress expression and not vice versa....equality kaa forum hai ye..??? Atleast few people will read and understand the mentality of people treating women here...and not get brainwashed by such idea!!

    You have a reason for every bias?? Now you want to drive away women who talk about equality....sorry, we are here to stayin this world,we will survive and even talk and spread our ideas!!.....but definitely not stay quiet at unjust attitude anywhere.......if you dont like to read...good bye..find a "favorable" post to comment on and seek solace!!...

    Posted 6 years ago #
  5. crkannan
    Member

    Why do we have this mindset. That the guilty must be punished and we have to prove fault in small matrimonial disputes in which both parties may be at fault.. There is not much of a difference between dowry and gift in most cases. Only in rare and extreme cases asking for gift/dowry leads to burning of their wives. Men and their families should not be taken to the police station and beaten up for ordinary dowry/gift complaints. It is better to have no fault system of divorce than having 498a and putting men and beating them up in jail.I I was shocked to see the cases of manoj and Kalaiselvan in the videos in Chennai when they are being beaten up by the police and they are not allowed to see their own biological children. People who ask dowry or gifts are not terrorists or murderers. The real problem is marriage takes place in most cases when people do not know each other or when they dont like each other. Then it is difficult to divorce unless extreme cruelty is proved. 498a and putting men and their family in jail is not the solution to the problem. Womens education and their getting jobs and good working environment may be the solution to this problem.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  6. humanbeing
    Member

    @crkannan...1. There are not rare cases...there are many cases of dowry deaths....and men here argue that verbal abuse an even beating are not dowry tortures...!!..Even psychologists believe the ill effects of domestic abuse..including verbal battering...how seriously it affects women....and believe me, battering women is very very prevalent.

    2. No one is against talking about men who have been wrongly accused. But this forum seems to not be only about defending few men who have been wrongly accused under 498A....it seems to be putting many unjust points across....please read few problems women have put across and how vehemently men have accused them with such prejudiced mindsets.

    3. Women are going for jobs now, and thats definitely a solution.....but people have not given up their traditional mindsets...now the expectations have increased to traditional bahu with additional income source. Thats not possible.....its like doubling the pressure on her....... Men and in-laws, need to part with their "age old demands"..only then it will be easy for women to grow and focus on their careers....and having a career is definitely a good solution, as you have said.....but now when she has started earning......its time to give her independence, justice and equality to help her grow. She is earning too....so give her everything that you expect for yourself.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  7. humanbeing
    Member

    One more question.....every law...including murder, robbery,rape, corruption is misused. should we make murder legal to avoid misuse of the law??....Or start getting mad at anyone who complains of getting murder threats and deny him justice??

    This is NOT justice that you guys are spreading on this forum..but crazy fanaticism.

    This forum is NOT about laws mis-use...its an anti women forum..and any normal person would understand by reading threads that were opened in past..and these men's reactions to them.

    Laws are being misused....does that grant men right to accuse, abuse women...deny them justice and equality??

    Posted 6 years ago #
  8. crkannan
    Member

    I am not saying that women must be tortured. But why drag an issue for 10-20 years in the courts and police and try to prove fault. Is it worth the effort. I am a Canadian Citizen and overseas citizen of India.. I do not know how many women die of dowry deaths in India.In western countries 40-50% divorce. In India, the divorce rate is 1%. Are women and men who divorce criminals. Are women who divorce in Canada in a miserable situation compared to women in India who stay with each other in a bad marriage for 40 years..

    Posted 6 years ago #
  9. humanbeing
    Member

    @crkannan..I agree with you...divorce is better than bad marriage. And western countries have great divorce and domestic abuse laws and law implementing machinery too...I have nothing against the Canadian model...I think its great considering the present times.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  10. crkannan
    Member

    I am of the view that 498a must be abolished altogether. Simple matrimonial disputes should not be taken to the police station. They are not the right persons to solve the problem. Counselling by psychatrists may be better idea. A nice good woman will not put her husband in jail for mild tortures. If there is a no fault system of divorce, she might divorce. I heard in 498a, the lawyers, the police and other organizations try to fleece money. They are there to make money and not to solve a woman`s problems.

    Only after divorce, if a woman is tortured she should go to the police station. The divorce should be easy and 498a only increases the existing problems.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  11. humanbeing
    Member

    I think there has to be a law to address the criminal aspect of dowry, which we cannot deny. Criminal offenses have to be addressed in some way...abolishing laws is not the way to deal with crimes.

    why should a woman take police protection only if after divorce? Lets assume....a woman is beaten by her husband and in-laws....like every citizen of a free country, who can launch a police complaint for assault and physical abuse, same way women should have police protection against assault. And women should be encouraged to complain in case they are facing violence.....so that they get protection against things like beating and torture. Torture cannot be legalized. And you cannot legalize a crime, on the pretext of the law being mis-used....should we legalize murder and rape too??...or you are saying all crimes of lesser order should be legalized or the fear of mis-use.

    They are also men, whose sisters and daughters have suffered.....trust me, when you talk to them....you'll know they are not bad people who have suffered on the other end too.

    ...you live in Canada...you know that domestic abuse is a crime there....in every free country it is a crime punishable by law. Also unlike Canada, USA ...there are no good laws for alimony and maintenance in India...very low alimony is given in many cases--we should have really good laws on alimony too.

    In such a system maybe 498A can be abolished, where domestic tortures are duly reported and action prompltly taken against them..and alimony system is good......but until then... legalization of dowry demands and domestic battering, abuse, dowry death threats in current scenario will make the situation grim.

    And god forbid .....what if your sister / daughter was amongst those who were burnt or beaten (may God never let it happen to your family...)...but what if you were on the other side of the receiving end?? Would you all still feel the same.....?

    Posted 6 years ago #
  12. humanbeing
    Member

    God forbid, if some one beats you...abuses you.....will you decide to not meet that man again....without EVER launching a police complaint....without seeking any justice or punishment for the one who did it to you??..same with women.....if she has faced abuse, she should be allowed to complain....

    Posted 6 years ago #

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