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the "evil wife & DIL"'s story!

(33 posts)
  • Started 6 years ago by humanbeing
  • Latest reply from Dr.Dsouza
  1. Dr.Dsouza
    Member

    As per IPC 498A, giving Dowry equal crime as taking it..
    and humanbeing humbly admited it in open forum, as she says she from Lawyers family, i doubt that.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  2. humanbeing
    Member

    Thanks for your advice Maha.... whatever makes you decide that I need to focus on my capabilities "instead of" blaming anyone....why can't I do both?? I can focus on my capabilities "AND" blame anyone who I believe is wrong!!..Dont worry about me---.Blaming is not my full time job, and I kind of know whats best for my career!!

    About being loving, You think after taking any crap I want to win the title of the most "loving person"...I am ok with not loving anyone who's not been that great with me either!With them, I would rather stand up for what I rightly deserve than achieving rounds of applause..!!

    My career was not important to me at the time of marriage.....but when I saw a marriage of injustice...I focused on my career...coz there was nothing else to be happy about... Yes...I sacrificed at a point of time....and yes the sacrifice was not out of pure selflessness.....I did expect something back--a nice, fair relationship.....I am ok if you call it "giving" instead of "sacrificing"-but I don't think I need to stop ranting about it, unless I get my due share back!!........its better to be assertive and stop sacrificing, and ofcours why not be assertive to get back some share due to you, if it can help your life in some way! ...Aajkal to maid servant bhee free mei aati hai....slavery has ended and people want to be "compensated" for whatever they have given!

    If someone is wrongly targeted, I empathise..........but targeting women who are rightfully standing up for what is due to them-is definitely worth raising eye-brows!! whatever makes men think they can happily
    ignore the inequality they dish out to women...........women have faced **** lot of injustice, I am sure they would expect women to do all the sacrifices --while they can end up choosing the best of both worlds...

    About arguments on this forum....have you really NOT noticed those few threads in which few women genuinely shared their problems and how men wanted to argue to show how wrong those women were to even feel bad about themselves?? You didn't advice those men to stop arguing ?? why me??...thrs a need to argue with such men...and I wish their were more women who would stand up and ask them what fairness are they asking ! what I see on this forum is that every woman who has not been almost murdered for dowry should not complain.......and those who are literate should not ask for ANY maintenance.....

    You also asked me why I should expect something what I get myself.....Ha !! Go ask the same question to men, why do they ask women to do the work which they can do for themselves !! ...When the relationship LACKS basic equality, then PAY for it.....!!

    Logic difficult to understand or what......??
    1) Equal hours of work....YES...everyone needs weekends and holidays..!!
    2) Fruits of work equally shared
    3) Equal rights

    If it is NOT equal during the course of relationship....then men need to pay for it later!!...if you have given her equal free time-and made her an equal partner in everything in terms of in-laws/parents etc........? When you have never given equality and fairness..why will you get it?? why should you get freedom from paying for maintenance etc!

    And yeah women can work on their capabilities and argue too.....same way men can..so please stop asking me to stop..:-)...cheers and all the best!

    Posted 6 years ago #
  3. humanbeing
    Member

    @Dsouza
    You can go on doubting about my being from a family of lawyers....you could even believe I come from a family of tea sellers...doesnt change a thing about me!

    About equal crime....NO-it is not!!...Dowry asking is NOT done in the cutest way by inlaws..and generally some level of abuse and domestic violence(verbal / economic abuse is a form of domestic violence too!!) is involved...You can't convict the girls father of harassment or domestic abuse just coz he has given dowry!!

    I have seen MANY cases where women ARE beaten and battered too!!....wife beating is not an uncommon thing....infact I feel any man who beats his wife for whatever reason should be jailed...irrespective of dowry.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  4. Dr.Dsouza
    Member

    OK; I will not argue if you say, you are from tea sellers family. Thank you for identifing your family profession.

    Coz now i sure you are not from Lawyers family

    As per Section 498A IPC [ Ref : http://mynation.net/dowryact.htm ]
    3. PENALTY FOR GIVING OR TAKING DOWRY. - If any person, after the commencement of this Act, gives or takes or abets the giving or taking of dowry, he shall be punishable with imprisonment for a term which shall not be less than five years, and with fine which shall not be less than fifteen thousand rupees or the amount of the value of such dowry, whichever is more:

    Provided that the Court may, for adequate and special reasons to be recorded in the judgment, impose a sentence of imprisonment for a term of less than five years.

    // these are not my words, and not from this site too, you can search same words in any Indian court Law books.

    Where i said men who beat women for no reason should not be punished. but funny thing is 54% women justify wife beating.
    search google "beating women justified india" or read this

    http://news.rediff.com/report/2009/sep/07/indian-women-okay-with-wife-beating-unicef.htm

    so thats not men fault OK.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  5. frustedman
    Member

    Hi Humanbeing,

    I am not blaming just wanted to put some topics which u can think if you believe you are right u just go ahead and use law for your favor.

    1. have u all ur money with you when u were with your parents? and ur parents were not allowed to use that money for their need without ur permission.

    2. Have you really thought my in laws are my real parents and relative from the day one and u did all the things assuming them to urs real one?

    3. If ur in laws objects on ur act have u just thought they are elder and i should hear and act according to their demand?
    Generally real parents does not object on daughter's activity because they think that she will go to her home (in law's house) after marriage so let her enjoy her which causes the problem. Girl starts thinking that i was never objected by my parents so why my in laws are blaming on me. They do not have any right to say anything to me.

    Same thing can happen with ur brother as well. because girl is going to a new house which may have different environment and rules for the daughter in law due to only social restrictions which they have seen in whole life so they wants to act their DIL to follow the same.

    4. The property which ur in laws are buying in their name will come to u and ur husband (may be divided if there are any brother of ur hubby) after them and i think same would be happen with ur brother as well if he has attachement with his brothers and family. I think it's fine and a fair cost for a joint family.

    5. As u r saying that u were only allowed cloth, food and shelter , does ur hubby was going alone to enjoy the life like parties , outings etc.. and u were not allowed to go with him.

    6. Does he still have relation with previous love do not only suspect if u have proof only then believe.
    ""Kyunki shaq ka koi ilaaz nahi hai"". my wife always suspect on me even i never had any female friend to spent a normal time for a hour.

    7.Just think if this problem came when u visited to ur in laws only and u were not allowed to move freely due to some restriction from in laws? If this is the case it might be some social restriction which ur were not allowed to break.
    This u can see as a "gawarpan and pichde log" of ur in laws because they lived in that environment and wants to follow the same from u as well.

    At the end i am agree that still this society is a male dominant and girl has to put lots of effort first to win hearts of new home which will not be going in just one day. And a human we always see mistakes not the good work so if u did one mistake u have to start from the scratch.

    So just think over these points and if u think u have done all thing without any "instant result" and over the period u did not get u are strong enough to do whatever u want to do.

    Please don't think i am a man so just taking a side of a man just think hundred times and try to find out ur fault so u will definitely find something which can save ur family. May be a sorry word even if u think that there is no mistake from u can make a big difference.

    this is our system which we can come out from in just one day. We have to break this slowly. may be u can say that i will not do this with my DIL but if u imagine it would be very difficult to break all the rules in one day. IT will take time....

    I will be happy if you take this comment positively and a offense on u.

    Thanks,

    Posted 6 years ago #
  6. humanbeing
    Member

    1. On the contrary, I used to sometimes ask money from my parents for occasional pampering...not too much-but sometimes. I cannot use my in laws money...and they happily keeping ALL my money without my permission is financial abuse. Sad if people cannot identify WHAT exactly is financial abuse!

    2. They are NOT my real parents....yes, earlier I thought they were special....but reality sets in gradually. In laws do not treat daughters in law like their own daughter...and its really weird to ask one girl to come and let herself be abused, yet keep feeling happy about those relations?? Why?? Is it such a sweet feeling to let yourself be abused?? Please let in laws be in laws...they are not parents ..no point giving such illusions to young women.

    3. Does the daughter in law forces in laws to change for her..?? NO!!..She is a grown up INDIVIDUAL just like them..their respect due to age is higher...doesn't give them right to control or dictate...for any individual--giving respect and letting herself be controlled are two different things. Advices are welcome, dictations are not. For your record, I have never been rude to them...but have I obeyed them exactly-word by word ...No. Have I been criticized harshly for it--yes. However, I prefer to face the music than give up my individuality. I am born as equal human, and don't need to be led by the ear.

    For record, I dont expect my sister in law to be my parents blind follower.I love freedom, and respect every human's freedom...man or woman...young or old. My sister in law is an awesome lady with a mind of her own..and I duly respect that....if my mother has a disagreement with her, I politely explain to MY mother the generation gap, and how it is wise to change with time-and let people be the way they wish to be.....and my mother understands.....which smoothens their relationship.

    4. I dont want a divided piece of land when I am old, and live uncomfortably now.....I am sorry but if its about our financial planning for future with our money.....we can do for ourselves is better.They should nt take my money to make me live miserably on the hopes of me getting a part of it when I am old. They have enough money to live comfortably...and even I deserve a chance to live my life comfortably today, NOT tomorrow. I dont live in joint family....and if our expenses are ours..so how come our income is theirs?? Joint family means one way traffic of money..I don't think so?? Neither are we living with them...and we have enough expenses and responsibilities to take care of.

    5. Is there anything else apart from parties??.....Having little decision making power on planning for your future / finances / children......or even desiring some financial security for rainy day...is allowed to women or not??.....Well to me ..it is not allowed.

    6. I have had sufficient evidences and occasional confessions too. Dont want to say a lot on it as it has left deeper scars than anything else.

    7.Free movement restrictions?? I dont understand why would any woman take it...she is not cattle that you can restrict from even moving around (My in laws have not put any movement restrictions on me...or tied me in chains......and if you think I should be thankful for it....would you also want me to be thankful that my in-laws havent burnt me alive ...please.....just imagining even more atrocious conditions doesnt make me feel better )

    For your last comments.....yes this society is male dominant......but why a slow or gradual movement??.....every freedom movement was successful because men were aggressive to push it further...if women too understand what is equality and freedom and value it enough to want it, change will happen....till then-we are happy with little biased laws...coz we face so much injustice that we do want something to make up for it at the peak of all the frustration.

    I am not writing here to defend myself, but to start talking about equality...where I see bias.....my journey and my fight is mine alone..and nI will fight it out..and I believe I will emerge a winner in my journey, and I am not scared of being opposed. About my family and marital happiness.....if I find someone in my life's journey who respects women....good for me....otherwise its better to die free than live like a slave. But somewhere I do believe that there are men out there better than this....and definitely there is someone who will be there for me, appreciating my values...I will join a bond in a family of fairness...or die trying :-)....but will not accet unjust things.

    though I am defending my own story here,yet I am not writing here for my own benefit...but for women who have been weakened by the system, but still want to come out strong........who are angry with this system and want to change it...and for men, who do not believe in convenient values that only suit them. If my ideas affect them.....I will be happy they were worth it....if not atleast I am trying.

    I am not writing for people like Mr Dsouza.....but for those who understand my values, that they are based on equality and justice....and why maintenance is not unfair in today's Indian set up, unless equality is given......I am arguing with men here,so that those women who have shied from arguing till now..come out and speak!!.....

    Posted 6 years ago #
  7. sgrover1973
    Member

    Dunno why so many logics are being given to prove other wrong.

    There are rules/ritual of the family/society which are being followed since ages. No body clearly knows how those got developed but definitely there must be some ground as most of the old things are now getting their scientific/logical reasons. If there are rules that Boy buys the bread and girls cook the same, one should not now question how these got developed. Plain and simple while in Rome follow the rules they have dictated else get alienated.

    This happens in most of the stories, where DIL starts singing her own song of liberty, the day she enters a new house after marriage without completely understanding the rituals and rules being followed in the family. She must understand, she is the one who has to get herself adjusted to the new environment and she gets full support from her husband and even God, who made the girl in that way more flexibile and adaptable. Don't go by word it is physically visible too. Can some one expect any Indian staying in other country starts demanding Indian laws to be implemented in the new country.

    'Human being' - we are just fed with your side of story and your counter part definitely would have something to say. Ny ways, at heart everybody knows what he/she has done, but not the long term effects of the doing.

    One more thing, I don't why your reason to be here on this site. Do you want help, suggestion or some legal advice. To me it seems your own guilt brings you here all the time and you want others to believe, you and your thoughts are correct.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  8. humanbeing
    Member

    @sgrover1973
    "Why so many logics are given?"...Because....So many logics are needed to talk to men who have been blinded by lust, greed and their will to dominate. Because this forum needs to address the "twisted logics" men give here that suit them...??? 16th century laws unke favor mei hain to unko impose karo...aaj ke kuchh laws unke favor mei nahi hain then suppress them??

    What rules are you talking about?? There were rules going on since ages for burning women alive at the funeral pyre of her husband...."Sati"..there were people like YOU who supported such "laws" that time coz these favored them....so what if they were brutal to women...?? There were evil rules and customs about cast, female infanticide, slavery, child marriage..........the society has been full of evils.....while a particular section wants to "rule" on the pretext of "Age Old " customs!!....YOUR customs NEED to change...and if men have forgotten that manhood is not about dominating women, and expecting slavery....then women are equipped to make the much needed change happen....What a reason!! Do something because its "Age Old"..Huh!!

    Again I doubt that adjustment is an ovarian quality and should be "imposed" exclusively on women....why? coz they need to be mentally trained to let the men have their way.....??

    You asking me why I am here---first you tell me, why are you here,on this thread--help, suggestion...or advice??........Or is it your guilt that makes you write things against me, any woman standing up for yourself??Perpetrators of injustice cannot bear to think all the wrong-doings THEY have been upto!

    As far as my reasons are concerned ...I have stated them clearly IN ABOVE POST ABOUT WHY I WRITE HERE!!...men who want to enforce prejudiced, one sided..loose ideas that exclusively were made by similar people like them, need to be told about the twisted, greedy mentality which is the root of all issues!!...This forum is against gender bias..karte wakt kuchh nahi lagtaa.??..tab age old customs hain.??...women ko support karne waale laws yaad aate hain...tab change karo laws ko?? Why?? You respect laws?? Huh!!...then respect ALL laws which are gradually understanding the support women need!!...And if you feel bad about gender bias...then FAIRLY eliminate gender bias..EVERYWAY....or your talks about bringing fair laws is just another twisted manipulation driven by the desire to suppress every kind of support a woman should get to stand with equality and dignity...!!

    Posted 6 years ago #
  9. Dr.Dsouza
    Member

    Logics on this forum seems to be twisted only those who think women is victim and all men are villains.

    sati was Hindu custom, dead husband never forced her to jump on his pyre, dont blame husband for that ask your religion.

    When women dont do her duty, if man reminds her for responsibility, feminists like you its SLAVERY/or domination.

    most of members express their views here and exchnage ideas what they stand for but not for their guilty feelings. and this forum allow both type of suggestions, as most of feminits/women controled websites only praise women, and mislead other women.

    inhumanbeing can you show one (at least one) law which support men cause...? as you wrote you have legal knowledge

    here is article list most women centric laws which are totally aginst men
    http://mynation.net/voice/indian-wmds/ [ dont blame me if you get Heart attack]

    Posted 6 years ago #

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