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the "evil wife & DIL"'s story!

(33 posts)
  • Started 6 years ago by humanbeing
  • Latest reply from Dr.Dsouza
  1. humanbeing
    Member

    I am a woman. Had dreams of a lovely husband and in laws--was a very sensitive and giving at a point of time....But I am emotionally strong now and will definitely use laws to my favor.

    I was working in India...married an NRI...got dowry with m...and respected and loved his family and him. Few months down the line I realised that I was in a bad relation. My dowry was used for buying properties in my in laws names, while I wasn't given any clue of it. My husband gave me basic food, clothing and shelter.....but I had no say in financial matters..and all extra money he had beyond basic needs, was given to his family back home india to buy properties for in-laws...I wasn't respected at all..and my parents had no respect in his eyes...whom he felt free to call names in front of me, and ofcours he had romantic links, whom he didn't marry coz his parents had asked him to marry me, but ofcours he never forgot those romantic links..

    In response, I reacted, shouted, cried...very much like the "bad wife" who has been described here in the threads. I stopped calling up or paying visits to his parents..and fought like a warrior with him...to no avail ofcours!!......He and his family in response tried to make me sign a divorce paper in US which said there was no alimony to, no property earned,and they owe me nothing. I refused to sign that paper because I think I deserved alimony.

    Anyways, I had a job in India, which I had left during marriage......here I am on a dependent visa and I am not allowed to work coz of US laws....Anyways I still took a job for some little cash and started saving that money...and tried to focus on studies amidst all the ****. I did housework....expected him to help me occasionally, coz I work a lot. But he refused. In India too, his mom wanted me to do all the housework when I'd be at their home, but here-I refused...not directly ofcours..I am not rude to elders....but I dont take crap from anyone....!...

    He has told me clearly that he will save money only for his parents.....we will not even buy a house for us with his money..and if I want to have a child, I should from my end work on "improving" relationship with his parents and be humble with him..My rights are limited to only receiving maintenance, that too if I take the charge of all housework...and my studies are not his problem.So I am supposed to study, do ALL the housework, spend holidays mainly doing housework for his parents....act according to their wishes....only THEN I am entitled to basic maintenance and a child (I am 30-31 years old).

    NOW...I am a rebel.....I have decided to pursue my studies full fledged--I want to be a trader in wall street and I am working hard towards it..... I have REFUSED to do house work for him or his parents......and have told him....that he is supposed to give me maintenance till 3 years till I am done with my studies--whether he wants to give me a divorce or not is his problem.......but till 3 years he HAS to provide me food and shelter.(I am taking care of my education with the cash I saved)...In addition if he wants divorce he HAS to return my dowry money with interest ofcours.....along with 3 years of maintenance!!....In case he wants me to do the duties of wife my conditions are clear ........I need him to provide a home for me (I mean pay 50% of it...I'll take care of the rest), have a child with me without putting conditions of being a doormat to his family.....and I will do housework if he shares not equal, but atleast portion of it-given that I have other work too!! My condition to be proactive in developing relationship with his parents is clear--they need not give me taunts...and he can occasionally call my parents too and give them some respect, atleast on their birthdays!!

    My inlaws and my husband are close to hating me for this....and I care a ****..I have my focus, life and priorities clear!!

    So I am that "bad wife" who refuses to do housework, refuses be a nice daughter in law, wants a decent financial security for herself before any money is sent to his parents....I will claim maintenance inspite of all this...and all the advocates of "men's rights" and those who dislike women fighting and using laws to their benfits...come argue with me!!

    Posted 6 years ago #
  2. sk_jha95
    Member

    Few questions for u. seems u r educated lady then why ur family has given dowry at the time of marriage? Why u don’t have resisted at that time for giving dowry? If ur husband dances on ur tunes then dowry is ok otherwise it is wrong?
    Whether u have brother? Do u expect him to takes cares of ur parents or not? It is not clear u have a kid or not but after being a mother only u will know what pains parents have taken to grow their child.
    Look inside yourself then only u will know what is your real problem is and solution is with u only.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  3. humanbeing
    Member

    1. Yes, they gave me dowry as a part of my "share" in my dad's property, to help me with "MY" household......!!Thats a father's property transferring to his daughter..!!..Why should I resist receiving a share in my dad's money. Call it dowry / gift/ stree dhan....its MY money....my parents had just entrusted it to them,during kanyadaan and ceremonies....and I have rights on it--which they have kept with themselves conveniently!!...

    2. Yes I have a brother...and I feel BOTH my brother and I should take care of our parents...why should I not feel for my parents who are the ones to have brought me up.....and I will always care for the,,,,. I DO NOT think taking care of my parents involves building properties for them....its emotional love and care..FYI my brother has recently purchased an apartment for himself ...and I am super happy for him!!...

    I have my answers and the solutions......I am created equal and I should stand up for my rights!!

    Posted 6 years ago #
  4. humanbeing
    Member

    @sk_jha ..Now I have one question from you.....why should my husband not care of my parents, if he expects me to take care of his?

    What has taking care of parents got to do with building properties after properties for them at your expense....at the cost of your wife's "stri dhan"...doesnt a guy owe a single accomodation to his wife and kid??...while he is giving money to build more and more properties to his own parents..while...no financial security for his wife?? Am I mad to share my life with him if he cannot share his earnings with me?

    Posted 6 years ago #
  5. sk_jha95
    Member

    Tell it Stridhan or what ever, giving dowry is a crime under law. As u r aware that ur husband has to MAINTAIN u then u must be knowing that u and ur parents have done CRIME in eyes of law.
    Second pt. u want financial security for urself and want to share his earnings but will not support him in his duties as son. Lady like u know their rights but not about duties.
    I again repeat look inside urself. Whether love giving by u to ur husband is less than that of his parents. Why one person will lean towards one way? it is only when he is not satisfied with u for some reasons best known to u.
    My sincere advice if u plan to harass anyone then atleast u will be also face problems. If u attack someone be ready for retaliation
    Samir

    Posted 6 years ago #
  6. humanbeing
    Member

    dude I have done my homework..YOU get your facts right..NO LAW in the world says that a father cannot gift money out of his free will to his daughter!!...Giving money FOR me is NOT a crime...keeping that money away from me IS a crime!!..Go check with your lawyers-I have checked with mine!!

    Ok now comes duties...
    What makes you think his parents have sole proprietorship towards his and mine duties-.mere maa baap ne mujhe factory mei manufacture nahi karwaaya hai....maa baap mere bhee baraabar hain...and if you care zilch about my parents ..I wont build castles for his!!

    You are a man..and you talk equality and self respect....when the guy asks woman to make this BIG sacrifice to care for his parents more than her own..and doesn't give it in return...is it self respect on his part??When working wife come home from work and cooks and cleans and men enjoy dozing in sofa..it is self respect?

    I left my career to be his life partner, cooked and cleaned...did compromises on my end??....he did NOT make me an equal partner...so better pay for it NOW....inequality expect karte time you guys dont remember self respect...financial support 2-3 saal karnaa pad jaata hai then you guys start remembering theories on equality??

    And excuse me.....what makes you think that the responsibility lies on my shoulder to make him fall in love with me or make him lean towards myself...?? Why will I lean towards his way if he doesn't lean towards mine!!

    I have my choices too!! I had to leave my career at a point of time for him...and if I could make use of some maintenance for few years to grow my career further why shouldn't I??

    You treat women to your advantage...why will women leave that teeny weeny advantage they have to come up in life??

    Posted 6 years ago #
  7. Ashish Agarwal
    Member

    Hey, Evil wife for your innocent hubby and DIL for your hubbys parents...

    1)Streedhan and Dowry are very confusing terms sometimes.When you want to jail your hubby then you term it as if he has taken dowry from your parents... but when you claim this money legally ( i.e. by police /court) then you say that this money is your streedhan.So, basically you can mend the definition of the money/property recd from your parents as per your wishes sometimes as Dowry to implicate ur hubby and ur inlaws in Dowry Harrasment cases and sometimes as Streedhan to say it is your right to get it back.

    2)You are also educated , if you do not want to live with him and give him a happy family then better get a divorce by mutual consent , why then asking for maintenance and alimony...."
    "YOUR HUBBY IS NOT A ATM MACHINE"
    3)If you give him respect and his parents respect then definitely you and your parents will also get respect.
    Change your rotten attitude and change your thinking.Grow Up , Earn yourself and maintain yourself....

    By the way what is your qualification....If you was working prior to your marriage then you can work now also,.... then why maintenance .....

    Posted 6 years ago #
  8. humanbeing
    Member

    I LEFT a good career and opportunity in India.....so that I could live with him....naukraani ban-ne ke liye nahi!!...equal partner ban-ne ke liye....it was a sacrifice I did, so that we could live together.......!!..Tell me how many men will leave the role of office work to become someone's domestic servant, just so that you can live together with someone..??...When a guy denies me the right to financial security...he is denying me basic equality as a life partner!!

    How easily u guys say...thats what the big deal if you are doing housework....he is "earning" which is big thing and it is "HIS" money.......!!! Excuse me---we are doing housework as a part of a sacrifice--not out of convenience!! and it needs to be appreciated....what kind of partnership it is...if the money becomes "HIS"--if he has ownership on our work..dont we have ownership over his work??

    ...If I dont get equality...I wont accept slavery atleast!!....

    Posted 6 years ago #
  9. humanbeing
    Member

    "Member

    Hey, Evil wife for your innocent hubby and DIL for your hubbys parents...

    1)Streedhan and Dowry are very confusing terms sometimes.When you want to jail your hubby then you term it as if he has taken dowry from your parents... but when you claim this money legally ( i.e. by police /court) then you say that this money is your streedhan.So, basically you can mend the definition of the money/property recd from your parents as per your wishes sometimes as Dowry to implicate ur hubby and ur inlaws in Dowry Harrasment cases and sometimes as Streedhan to say it is your right to get it back.

    2)You are also educated , if you do not want to live with him and give him a happy family then better get a divorce by mutual consent , why then asking for maintenance and alimony...."
    "YOUR HUBBY IS NOT A ATM MACHINE"
    3)If you give him respect and his parents respect then definitely you and your parents will also get respect.
    Change your rotten attitude and change your thinking.Grow Up , Earn yourself and maintain yourself....

    By the way what is your qualification....If you was working prior to your marriage then you can work now also,.... then why maintenance ..... "
    _______________________________________________________________________________
    1.Just the fact that they have kept my streedhan away forcibly is enough for me to jail him.......!!!I dont have to use ambiguous terms....keeping the facts is enough....now its my prerogative whether I want to jail him or not. If he is not extra bad to me in divorce proceedings, chances are most probably I wont.

    2.I am ok with mutual consent divorce.
    I am educated, but I lost good opportunities due to marriage....there is a career gap I faced....and I have given precious years of my life to a marriage of inequality.

    To bring myself at par...I need further education......I have started my pursuit which I will not leave midway.

    Yes, I can get a job....but I had lost the opportunity of a star career!!..I will not compromise with it...I have given him precious years of my life..and many chances to be equal and fair.....he has been demanding unfairness all through.......agar do-teen saal maintenance lene se I can go to a "star career"..why should I lse the opportnuty....uskaa bhalaa karne ke liye..just to save him from paying me maintenance, I should give up the opportnity?? usne mera itnaa bhalaa kiyaa hai kyaa?? For me, he has ruined precious years of my life because of unjust and unfair attitude..........itnaa compensation to bantaa hai usko bhee!!

    3. I have given him everything. But I did not get it back.
    Just because he is a guy you decided he will be fair and will give respect to my parents..yu change your rottten prejudiced attitude dude..kind of sucks!!!....I am happy with mine!!

    Posted 6 years ago #
  10. humanbeing
    Member

    **deleted repeat post***

    Posted 6 years ago #
  11. sk_jha95
    Member

    You talk about equality. Tell me for marriage proposal ur husband and his parents came to ur house or ur parents go there? If there was KANYADAAN in your marriage or not? Why ur father has given ur share of property to u at time of marriage as u were leaving them for ur husband place. Why u left job at first place? U should have insisted that u will not leave ur job to be married and u need one Ghar Jamai who will take care of his his in laws and will not look after his parents.
    If ur in-laws and husband is so cruel why u and ur parents not investigated about them before marriage? It seems ur parents also know u and wants to get rid of u at the earliest.
    Accept it not u have only one thing in mind how to enjoy life on your husband’s money, without performing ur duties.

    Posted 6 years ago #
  12. humanbeing
    Member

    You are trying to say that shaadi ke "logistics" are enough to accept inequality in marriage?? What a lame reason to accept injustice......I didn't care about the supply chain machinery that time....doesn't mean I take crap for the rest of my life!!

    I left my job to live with him......dependent visa was the only way to live with him !!

    Ghar jamaai kyuu...when I am myself not living with my parents why should I ask him to live with them?? FYI I was living at my workplace at the time of marriage..which I left to be with him!!

    YES I want to enjoy his money...because he wants to enjoy my services(and ofcours my money too!:-P).....Its called sharing !!...aur sharing ONE SIDED nahi hoti shaadi mei,...!!

    Duties mutual hote hain..!!!I did mine.....when he did not do his..I STOPPED doing mine!!You have problems with that?? You like women doing one sided duties?

    Posted 6 years ago #

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