MyNation Foundation Forum » Miscellaneous » Marital Problems

Regarding Divorce for my Cousin.

(27 posts)
  1. Tanua
    Member

    My cousin is married to a guy since 8 yrs. After marriage that guy just did the physical thing 2-3 times without using a protection and gave a daughter in the 10th month of the marriage..

    At the time of pregnancy no one helped her in household works and her husband never even talked to her about how she is getting thru with it... When her labor pain started her Mother-in-Law started shouting at her that she is just creating a scene to tell the people in the locality that her Mother-in-Law is not taking care of her.. When the baby was Born her husband just came from the office to see her & sat not more then 2 mins & then went away like a relative who visited...

    Now from past 8 yrs that guy just does not show any interest in my cousin. He does not even come to the bed room or use the same bathroom that she is using.. He sleeps in the guest room & uses the guest bathroom....
    Even in last 8 yrs My cousin don't know what is his monthly salary as he never talked to her about anything which a Wife should know.

    That guy insults her at every point of time in front of everyone saying that "What do you have so special that someone would want to sleep with you.." Sometimes he had shouted in front of the whole locality & her father was standing thr but no one said anything to him..

    From past 8 yrs, He never sat 8 mins with her to drink a cup of tea or to have food or to even talk to her casually. And when she complained about this to her in-laws they say that If he would waste so much time with You then who will earn money for them..

    Now her daughter is 7 yrs & she understands everything.. She hates her father & don't want to live with her grandparents or father.. She asks my cousin that anyhow they must do something to go away from them as she thinks that Her father cannot love her mother as her friends parents do to each other..
    You can imagine what that little child sees everyday & what is happening to her little mind...

    Now when she decided to take a Divorce, Her father & brother are very much upset with her as they are thinking that they have to give the money to the lawyer...
    They say that if she wants to live separate she must send the daughter to her in-laws & would live with them as they want..

    Her brother already told that he won't help her financially or mentally in any case... & all her father's property will be his brother's and she would not ask for anything.. Her younger Brother got married last yr & gave his Mother-in-Law a new Flat as a gift with his father's money when she owns a big house already on her name... but He is not ready to give a single room in his father's house to my Cousin. You can imagine what she must be going thru now.

    Her father never allowed her to go out of the house even to meet a friend so she has become a dependent type lady & is not working so she is financially also not independent...

    Now we don't know what to do and how to proceed so that her parents would support her... & everyone else in the relatives are just trying to send her back to her in-laws, giving her wrong info about divorce laws & child custody laws so that she would give-up..

    She is too much in depression & seeing her helpless & not able to help her, I am also getting into depression...

    Plz guys Tell me what to do....

    Posted 7 years ago #
  2. ADMIN
    Key Master

    Tanua;

    Your 1st line shows hatred towards men and that man.
    physical union is not BANNed in Marriage, and man has right to sleep with his wife, and no need to use protection as marriage also allow procreation and recreation. thats how Family grows.

    Women is pregnent that not mean that her works burdon is shared by others. women has to bare labour and labour pain, if she is not ready then she should not get marry at all.

    498A CRUSADER
    MYNATION.NET
    SUPARI.ORG
    Posted 7 years ago #
  3. 498A_Crusader
    Administrator

    When her Father and Brothers themself upset with her that means somehting wrong with her, If husband is not coming then why she is not going to him...?
    May be she filled ears of her Daughter so she started to hate Father and his family. when her own Father and Brothers do not like her.
    She has equal rights in Fathers Property,she can move a petition in court to get equal share. she they harass her she can file Domestic violence on her Brothers too.
    Try to findout why her husband is acting like that, if he want divorce go for mutual without fighting long legal battle.maintenance will be decided by court for her and child.
    you can read more about divorce here http://mynation.net

    Posted 7 years ago #
  4. AG
    Member

    Have you checked if your cousin is at fault because of which the husband avoids her ? According to you , a wife should know the monthly salary of the husband more than anything else and your cousin does not know that , is that her biggest concern ? How can a child start hating her father and grandparents unless someone poisons her mind against them ? This has been done by your cousin for sure . She is hated by her own family and now avoided by her husband since she has now become a legal burden on him ? Why is it that her own brother and father who are related to her by birth washing their hands off all responsibilities and property rights , why do they want her to be a burden on her husband who is only legally connected ?
    The husband is earning money for them and doing all his duties , what else does she want him to do , he is dpoing this inspite of the fact she has poisoned the mind of the child against her paternal family and father.

    If she is financially dependent then the father must be made to pay maintenance to the daughter because he messed up her daughter and brought up a burden . Husband is doing his job and he is not a fault here for not telling what his monthy salary is which seems to be the biggest bone of contention here .

    Posted 7 years ago #
  5. Tanua
    Member

    Hi Admin,

    You are misunderstanding every bit of word which I am saying.
    I don't hate any living creature in this world made by god.. & about physical involvement I wrote like that bcoz I thought that might be the rules of this forum may not permit the word Sex or Sexual relationship & people may not like the sentence.

    Physical Union AKA Sexual relationship is a very integral part of a married life & so I think if someone hates it for any reason then He/she have some psychological problem related to it. I wanted to say that here the Guy is reluctant to it & does not want to have anything as he thinks that If he had sex with his wife he will hurt his Parents..

    She was really hurt by the pregnancy as she never got any time to know her husband or in-laws b4 getting into this responsibility. She only had sex 1-2 times after marriage that too when she insisted for it & her husband told her that he does not know how to use any protection so she got pregnant so early. In the months of pregnancy her husband never asked her how she is getting thru it & even he started abusing her when she asked him to sometimes keep a hand on his forehead to show love towards her or her child which was about to be born..

    By Helping during pregnancy I meant household works & tensions. She was never happy during the pregnancy as no one even asked her If she is fine or not.. The tensions & problems during that time directly affect the child's mind in the tummy. I know clearly that the labor pains can't be shared by anyone.. But just imagine the time when the girl was in labor pain & her MIL was scolding her that she shud keep quite so that the neighbors would not come to know that they are going to have a baby in thr home.

    Just imagine the situations & think for urself what was her condition when she was in pain & no one was even touching her.. Her In-laws called her parents to come & take her to hospital as they did not want to waste the money in the hospital & nurses.
    At that time her husband was just taking coaching for the students on the ground floor of the same building but he didn't came out as his students were more important than his wife & to be born child.
    After her daughter was born her husband just came to the hospital & talked to his parents as he only came to visit them not his wife or child. & he even didn't saw the child's face.

    About her parents, They are scared that if she took a divorce then what the society will say. & then thr Son is married just a yr ago & they don't want to hurt thr Son & Daughter-n-law otherwise who will keep them later.
    Her parents say that she can take a panchayat Divorce if she wants but they won't ask for any money for the child's maintenance or hers. They say that If she want maintenance then either she must go back to her husband or she must give her daughter away.
    They think that if the daughter is with her then they may have problem keeping her & thr Son's married life will be disturbed.

    Her brother wants the whole property of thr father & don't want to share it with anyone. He says that right now he is having a wfe & later he will have kids & if the property or house is divided between two he will not be able to give his kids the whole enjoyments of life..
    She said that she don't want any money or property but just a support from them. But then her brother is not even ready to support mentally as he he and his wife thinks thr freedom will go away regarding the father's property.
    Parents don't want to go out of thr Son's wish as they think that the society will give them a bad name that bcoz of daughter's happiness they hurt thr Son.

    About her child, She never said a wrong word about anyone & this I am 10000% confident as I know her. Her daughter saw her friend's parents & couples everywhr.
    She is 7 yrs & her father never took her atleast to a zoo in the neighborhood. She everytime see her friends playing with thr father but her father don't even talk to her 10 mins in a day or a week or a month.

    That guy is ready to go for a panchayat divorce but for any court settlement even Mutual, he is not ready as everyone in her in-laws think that going to court will waste thr money & they have to give her & the child monthly maintenance too.. They want a separation in which they don't have to give anything to her or the child. & her father thinks that asking for maintenance will lead to his bad reputation over the society so he also don't want to mutually go for the divorce instead they also want that panchayat divorce.

    It is a fact that after the panchayat settlement both of them cannot remarry until they have a court divorce & he would not give the monthly maintenance to her or her child so she is now worried that whr would she go if her Brother anytime in future asks her to leave the house.
    Second thing is If the guy remarries then no one would do any case from her side but if she remarried then they would file a case against her at any cost & will take a profit from her family in that case too..

    I think you might have understood what I wanted to say...

    For any other info about the matter feel free to ask & I will tell you but plz don't misunderstand anything & give wrong words for my Cousin who is innocent, as it hurts me that today having so much broad mentality in our Society & country a girl is suffering & then too people are thinking wrong about her...

    Its not everytime true that if everyone is against you that means that you are the main culprit. Sometimes the culprit is the one whom no one can afford to upset & due to that the innocent has to bear the punishment...

    Plz show me the way to help her..

    Posted 7 years ago #
  6. Tanua
    Member

    Hi AG,

    I think you are behaving here like having a male chauvinist mentality..

    Do you think that having a good time with wife & being friendly to wife is wrong.
    From which statement of mine did you think that the only concern is knowing the salary. I said it as an example to show how reluctant he is to his wife.

    If the child is behaving like that this means that the lady is at fault, Can you explain me Why???
    Is it not possible that she may see it by her own eyes what her Grand parents & his father behaving to her mother.

    And why is that always becomes a burden to you guys when a girl ask for a little time to sit with her & talk to her.. Ask her whether she is happy or not.. To know what does she really wants...

    Until now her father pays for her every expense except for the food & house... & even when she asks that I am now married then why my father have to pay for my any need, Her husband says that He is only paying for her daughter & If he has a problem then why do u want to use anything.

    Tell me, is this right that She must go to her father for every need & her father is happy in those expenses but not ready to take her back for her happiness just bcoz of her Son & DIL.. Is this right...
    Now she has a Father to do & if anything happened to her father whr would she go & what would she do...

    She can bear with her old Salwaar kurtas by sewing them or saadi blouses but how much feasible is to ask her father, money for her monthly sanitary pads for her periods or her Undergarments when they are torn away...

    Tell me what do you think about the husband's responsibilities are only upto the time he is feeding & nothing else...
    His parents & brother think that they have done thr part by getting her married but is that It in today's society for a girl... She does not want any money but only a little love from her husband, In-laws & her parents & brother.. But if they are only thinking financially Is this her fault...

    Literally you are really talking like a girl must not have any right to be free or to feel something or to expect anything from her husband....

    Why everytime a girl asks anything regarding love or time she is at fault.. Why can't you people think the other-way round...

    I just came here as I thought this forum is something related to Govt & justice but seeing mentality of you people regarding freedom of wives I am very disappointed with you all.. I thought I would get a guidance from you people regarding legal matter but You started blaming my cousin without asking for any further info about why everything went like this...

    Sorry guys to waste your time..... & mine too....

    Posted 7 years ago #
  7. Adv.Kachave
    Moderator

    Dear Tauna,
    I have gone through your matter, it is great that your cousin is tolerating since last more than 7 years. Ony end of relations i.e. divorce is not the solution of the problem, You try to get together both of relatives & your cousin will put her problem before them , there are chances of solution & settlement. So you firstly try the same then after if not any solution she may move before the court of law for maintenance & also for criminal prosecution against culprits for cruelty & other. This forum is against injustice & corruption, so we will co-operate , no neeed to worry.
    9821387099, 9224799546.

    Adv.Ramchandra N.Kachave
    98, 2nd floor, Esplanade Mansion,Kala Ghoda, Near City Civil Sessions Court,
    Mumbai-4000023
    Posted 7 years ago #
  8. 498A_Crusader
    Administrator

    Tanua;
    I am sure its not about your cousin, its a Story of your own,right ?
    No women will tell how many she had sex, as you told they had sex only 1-2 times, if he had more then you would have branded him as Rapists...Right ?
    Todays women think, when she is married husband has to pay all her bills, and MIL has to cook and clean for her.and husband should use protection, such should not get marry.
    Do not blame her husband family for every fault, she get what she gave.As per i know and as per Indian customs in most of the communities 1st pregnency will be at her Mothers house,so why she did not went to her mother place...?
    If her Brother think if property is divided what he will feed to his family, is his problem, why she is not asking her share, she has right to claim it from Father
    Read this http://mynation.net/docs/hindu-succession/
    6. Devolution of interest in coparcenary property.-(1) On and from the commencement of the Hindu Succession (Amendment) Act, 2005, in a Joint Hindu family governed by the Mitakshara law, the daughter of a coparcener shall,-

    (a) by birth become a coparcener in her own right in the same manner as the son;

    (b) have the same rights in the coparcenary property as she would have had if she had been a son;

    (c) be subject to the same liabilities in respect of the said coparcenary property as that of a son,

    We are not biased, to any gender,but when you blame men for all faults people react accordingly.

    What her husband want,and how they want their divorce and maintenance is secondary, if she is ready for Divorce, she can appeal in court siting cruelty on her, she will get Divorce and maintenance accordingly.

    Posted 7 years ago #
  9. 498A_Crusader
    Administrator

    about husband responsibilities; if she cook and clean and maintain his house and meet his physical needs at least 2/3 times a week for 2/3 years of marriage, if she is not working women and support her husband financially.

    then she should get good treatment from her husband. other than paying her bills / buying cloths / taking her out /spending some quality time with wife and kids / buy some gold on occassion or once a year(depends) and some money as pocket money

    There should not be IFin marriage,
    IFyou do this to me, i`ll do that.....bla bla
    it should be mutual,without expecting anything in return but both spouses should know their responsibilities.

    Thats my definition of both spouse responsibilities . others may vary.

    Posted 7 years ago #
  10. Tanua
    Member

    Adv.Kachave,

    Thxx for your advice & I will reciprocate the same to her but the problem is her Father & Brother are not helping her.

    She is in Jaipur & I am in Bangalore. I told her so many times that You come to Bangalore & I will help you in getting Job & everything but then If she do this her Father will not permit her to even come to Bangalore with me...

    About talking to her Husband they have done this numerous times & then they take her back & again the daily routine like that starts as it was from the past 8 yrs... Nothing changes anytime.

    According to me thr may be 2 reasons for that.
    1. He is having an Extra Marital affair
    2. He is a ****.

    In 1st case We can't find out & as her parents & bro is also not supportive we can't go ahead in any matter...
    In 2nd case He is not even ready to show to any Psychiatrist or a Sexologist to find out.

    She is in Dilemma what to do & what not to.
    Right now her daughter's exams are going on till 13th March so I will ask her to talk to you..

    Any further help would be highly appreciated.

    Thxx a lot.

    Posted 7 years ago #
  11. Tanua
    Member

    Hi Administrator,

    I think you are not even reading what I am writing in the posts.
    I am feeling very sorry to see ur thinking about women. Even if you have read & understood correctly first 2 paragraphs of my 2nd post you would not have said that rapist thing.

    Second about My Cousin, She is in Jaipur, 31 yrs of age, A housewife with a child of 7 yrs.. & I am in Bangalore, 26 yrs unmarried & working in an MNC as a Software Engineer.. If you want my Contact details to verify I am OK with it too... & this I am saying bcoz I don't want anyone to misunderstand anything like what you are thinking right now.
    One more thing, If this would have been happened to me I would never have come to any forum like this coz My parents & uncles love me a lot and would never let me get into this trouble at all..

    About Sex, Yes she told me everything about what she did to convince him.. She told me that she also did some seducing tricks on her husband as told by her friends so that He may take interest in her... & Me or her, We don't think this to be a wrong thing to talk about. She is telling me & not going to have it with any other guy.. But if a guy would have been in this position right now He would have either took divorce by now or would have gone to any other women for Sex, for sure....

    About her, She is not a girl who do shopping or lie on Bed the whole day & thinks that her husband should pay bills & MIL should cook food... In fact her MIL never even take her foot inside the kitchen. About her husband, Paying bills is a very far away Case, He even don't Care about getting her a salwaar kurta when her clothes are torn away.. They are always taken care by her parents as Her Husband thinks that It is not at all his responsibility & her parents are responsible even If she is his Wife.

    About not going to the Mother's house.. If her MIL had allowed her she would have gone but Why would she allow her.. Otherwise she would have to cook food by herself or have to keep a maid & then who would pay for the maid.

    About first child birth, I would say I have not seen it in my society or community.. It is depended upon the Girl's In-laws what they want. I am the eldest child in my House & My mother or any aunt didn't went to thr parent's house during first or any pregnancy & same for our Paternal Aunts(Buajis) who didn't came to our grandparents during thr pregnancy.. So ur point is invalid in this case.

    About Responsibilities, You are right "it should be mutual, without expecting anything in return. but both should know their responsibilities."
    But first tell me what do you understand by responsibilities. Is it only that a girl shud do anything that her husband wants but the husband does not even take time for her or the child..

    For him His wife does not exist.. He says by his own mouth that "If anyone is friendly to his Wife or keeping his wife happy He is just Hurting his Parents.."
    Now can you related the words of this statement together.

    What is the relation of Being happy with wife & hurting parents. If the guy is sensible he can keep track of his parents happiness as well as his wife & kids.. But His thinking is "If he does Sex with his wife His mother would be angry at him or get Hurt."

    You are saying about No IFs in a marriage, But what IF he does not even understand Ifs & Buts...
    For him, Marriage was only done bcoz His Mother & father wanted a DIL or so called "Bahu" for them to take care of them, To wash thr clothes, Cook for them, keep thr house clean & all...
    For him all his responsibilities towards his wife started the time they were getting married & stopped at the point of time the marriage ceremonies got over.

    I am telling you everything so clearly but then too you are just not understanding anything & trying to prove me & my cousin Wrong.
    She did everything for him since last 8 yrs & just asked for some love towards her, 5-10 mins in a day to talk to her.. Just a little time for the child... If this is wrong in your eyes then I think I am the fool who came to this forum for help.

    I know You just are not going to listen to anything I say & will tell me several mistakes in my post. If you don't want to help then I would request you to delete my post & thread from your Forum as I don't want people to have a wrong idea about the situation & say dirty things about my Cousin as u are just manipulating & playing with words to prove me wrong.

    Thxx anyways..

    Posted 7 years ago #
  12. 498A_Crusader
    Administrator

    thats funny.

    u said "He is having an Extra Marital affair"
    and
    "He is not even ready to show to any Psychiatrist or a Sexologist to find out."
    and in previous mails u said he done only 2/3 times

    so u suspect he has sexual problem, so how come he is having extramarital Affair, if he is weak in sex or not interested...

    and interesting thing is, u also told he dosnt know how to use Protection, if he has extra marital Affair he has to use it, so he should expert in that right.

    i am not telling anything from my pockets these all words are from you.
    i just try to link each other. to show how far women can go to defame a Innocent Man

    Posted 7 years ago #

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