MyNation Foundation Forum » Miscellaneous » Marital Problems

MARRIAGE LIFE AND PROBLEMS

(43 posts)
  1. PADMA
    Member

    YA I DO agree with u people, we are in a world were every thing is common and nothing looks wrong, no one can stop any one in such matters i feel, i am trying to be sati savitri which is not required in this society, but it dose not mean i wil change, i respect my husband and love him always and wish for his good always in life by my heart. i don't want to blame him in any matter for beating or hurting me so far, i wish that one day he would realise what he has done , what he promised and loved me. sincere love still persists only people have to be sincere to each other i wish every husband wife be sincere and good to each other. its time only for him to realise how much i care for him may be tere is no one who would love him like me in this world. now i realise i wished my husband to be a perfect man in my life . and since i love him a lot since he is my property i felt possive in all matters. infact i was blind. i for got he is a human apart from he being bonding with me as a husband as a love. he has his own world to enjoy his own things to do. i felt iam every thing in life to him. but no iam just a part of his life. were i need to be in my limits . iam feeling bad only for this reason that i love him so much. may be if other girl was in my place she would have cooly divorced and been happy. since i love him i dont want to go far from him. at least i wish that he is in front of my eyes till i breath last. only god needs to correct him and give me a good life. if my love is happy enjoying his life in different ways i will not stop him. after all i wish his happiness in life. iam an emotional may be my emotions done not have value in his heart. i will change my self to see him happy tis is what is left over. but he need to come back , now that is the major point. iam afraid he may move to court will i be able to convence the court and ask the court to allow me to stay with him if he wants divorce. iam afraid if the court has value to my emotions and my life. pl let me no. will my words be enough to convence the court if at all he moves to court, what should i do. in this case. i am trying to solve it by the help of parents but if at all his family presures him to divorce . i want to no will my wish be fulfilled and can i convence the court to stay with him agreeing to all my mistakes let me pl.. this is a emotional matter will emotions have value at the court . as its only a year we gor married. can i convence the court that due to my emotions i may have hurt him but wish to leadmy life and the court has to give me permission to stay with him may be i feel he will change him by time, by my silence i have a feeling i can win his heart if given a chance to stay along pl tell me.

    Posted 7 years ago #
  2. PADMA
    Member

    KINDLY let me no. according to LAW , COURT, etc. what can i expect , what can i tell the court in my matter how can convence the law and make him be with me . i dont want his money even if he gives , when he is not there i dont wish to have his money without his care & love. i dont want to do business at any cost. even if he breaks the relationship stating that he would pay for me i feel its **** i dont want any thing from him i will simply walk out. u no what , still his family specially his parents can tell him to stay with me but they want to take personal family gridges. as we got married without expences, his side they expected grand marrage due to financial problem i convenced my husband he new my problem agreed to marry in temple i told him we shall marry later due to shortage of funds he was the one to hurry due to his work problem, apart from tis as i said he went for the reason that i dint cook and opposed to go often to his aunty house as her daughter one had scolded him for having milk at the time of dinner, i dint want such things to reapeat. so i told him to not get scoldings again. i wish his good but inturn he hates it. apart from tis reason now they are asking me to get my mom and talk and insult us in some matter. i no they all are involved in he not calling and talking, apart from that they had meeting and planned to take gas book from me tru him. no matter whose fault till now he beat me i have my neighbours proof, but never want him to get insulted. but i feel help less as my family side only me parents are to talk . no supporters. his side huge bunch of people are enough to spoil his mind and our life. all were feeling bad that he went againt all and married me now they keep him and hurt me. people are so **** sometimes. till now i never intened to hurt any one in his famliy. if i spoke that was due to their own mistakes. what u prople think in which way i need to proceed if he goes to court or divorce. what should i talk or convence to get him back. my wjhole life is depending on him. iam just 28. kindly let me no the rules of court or law. towards my problem and what judgement i can get. if at all the matter is taken to court.

    Posted 7 years ago #
  3. ADMIN
    Key Master

    Do not assume unwanted things like Divorce etc.
    meet him, talk to him, what plans he has for you. If he decided to divorce, its waste living with him.
    You go as per law and ask for your rights.

    498A CRUSADER
    MYNATION.NET
    SUPARI.ORG
    Posted 7 years ago #
  4. james
    Member

    Hi Padma,
    Different people are brought up differently. We are today based on what we were taught or experienced yesterday. Many of the children are brought up in “closed conservative” environment (or society). Over a period of time, the thought process too evolves based on surroundings and we choose our friends based on what we think and feel are correct. Thinking rationally (or irrationally or anything for that matter) is partly our upbringing surroundings and partly out of our own experiences. But this dynamics suddenly change with the introduction of new relation called husband (or spouse) and in-laws. What is very gross for you may not be the same for him. Because different people see through different things differently at different times.

    In your opinion, do you think drinking is a crime? But it’s not in my view. But it’s definitely a crime if he is driving after he is drunk or abusing his wife or kids.

    In your opinion, is it a crime if husband closely moves with his collogues? I don’t think so. But definitely it’s NOT OK if he is cheating on you.

    Knowing boundaries in a relation (for both) is very important. I assume that he knows his boundaries. Too much thinking of an issue or too much conservative or too much obsession for anything is not good.

    Its important that a relation to be successful both should have a common frequency (thought process). Yes, if both of you are too conservative or both of you are too obsessed (about one thing) that’s fine too as you both get along with each other.

    Your line
    << *** its time only for him to realise how much i care for him may be tere is no one who would love him like me in this world. now i realise i wished my husband to be a perfect man in my life . and since i love him a lot since he is my property i felt possive in all matters. infact i was blind. i for got he is a human apart from he being bonding with me as a husband as a love. he has his own world to enjoy his own things to do. i felt iam every thing in life to him. but no iam just a part of his life. were i need to be in my limits . iam feeling bad only for this reason that i love him so much. may be if other girl was in my place she would have cooly divorced and been happy. since i love him i dont want to go far from him. at least i wish that he is in front of my eyes till i breath last. only god needs to correct him and give me a good life. if my love is happy enjoying his life in different ways i will not stop him. after all i wish his happiness in life. iam an emotional may be my emotions done not have value in his heart. i will change my self to see him happy tis is what is left over *** >>

    Let me ask you this question. Do you watch too much of old classical movies? The more and more I read, I am even more convinced that you entered into a relation with a pre-set mind that your man should have these and these qualities. Get out of your fantasy world.

    But let me tell you something very important. Please do not assume and make more mistakes that your husband is under someone’s influence. That’s so much of baloney built and infused by noon serials (STOP watching them). Adults don’t listen to someone blindly or is it your imagination?

    Often in a new relation, there is a power struggle and adjustment issue. What is correct for you may be wrong for him. Understand this. You were in a serious relation just less than 11 months. Out these 11 months, ask yourself how many months you were together and how many times you had heated arguments and developed it into a cold war and for how long. Are you looking for instant bond and instant relation with instant results just because you both are wife and husband in the eyes of law and society? Don’t expect results without honest efforts. Trust me, building relations is not instantaneous. They take time and both of your efforts. Don’t live for the sake of your neighbors or the so called society. Live for your bond. Live for your relationship and live for your trust between you both.

    I am not trying to find fault with you. But in relation we make mistakes. We correct them. We make adjustments. We define ourselves and evolve over a period of time and get along. And that’s how life is. But if you are overwhelmed (or anyone in a relation) and not able to adjust by something, then you got to make choices. Because if you are not able to adjust, and living for the “sake of society” (which is another baloney) sometime later amidst all these confusion you bring in a child, the child is a silent recipient of all this abuse.

    But is divorce a solution for everything? Absolutely NOT. Do not approach with a negative pre-set mind. Often women jump around talking about their rights.

    Now coming back to your most important question that you have been asking many times in this thread.

    YES and YES. Both of you can go to court. Results will be way different once you step into court. Understand that legal system cannot build bond, trust and relationship between a wife and husband. Legal system is very successful building a concrete wall and developing hate between couple because that’s what is going to happen as you take one step and he will take one step and the court will take another step. And this will continue until its end of everything. Because once you step into court, you will not know “how far is too far”

    Yes, you can get a court order to live with your husband. But at what cost? Your husband will have a TV, a dining table, a car and you. Will it be any different for him between you and other THINGS? Is that what you want? Do you think you will be happy that way? If that’s what you want, my sincere apologies. This is not the place to discuss. All of our efforts are to fix relations NOT break. Look around, you will get plenty of feminist groups and lawyers to break that we don’t even need to discuss.

    Because, fixing is difficult but breaking is very easy.

    My best wishes

    ~ James.

    Posted 7 years ago #
  5. PADMA
    Member

    I spoke to l one of my husbands relative aunty who stays in the adjacent house in his native .she told me that my husband is planning to find a job in other city and informed all that he shall go far from all and stay. and if he dose so u cantt find him and so on .she said to come with mom and speak to them immediately. and my father in law told all are out of station for a trip till next week and to come contact next week.
    i doubt that they are purposely delaying the matter and want him to go away and state that its his wish we cant do any thing. if such thing happens even after i taking my mom they say its his wish to depart what can i do. my husband phone is also off . i msg him that to forgive and forget the past and take me. if fact same thing happened in his elderbro life he had beaten badly to my co-sis and had run away for 4 months. then came back. my co-sis once had told me that his family purposely made him run away. kindly let me no, if in case after meeting them if his parents tell its his wish to contine. and if my husband leaves to other place what can i do.. should i file a case in this matter will he be bought to me and finalise the matter. see all they are dioing is a drama now. so many days i felt my husband need time to realise but now all are involved to break tis relation in some or the other way. as i said earlier his mom told him to stay in native as i dint want to cook. sholud i blame that my inlaws responsibility to get him there and now waving off their hands. i can surely tell they will do this mean while to end they want to also insult me my parents with other issues. pl tell me , its my life he married i agreed to be understanding even though its his fault always. now he denies to lookafter me as i said he needs to stay with me so that i can make him realise our problem, iam afraid if his parents leave on him and wash off their hands in fact he is there and all are involved in his support. let me no what can be done in such state after going and meeting them. should i file a case that we are going for a compromise and these are the issues happening. pl tell me URGENT.

    Posted 7 years ago #
  6. ADMIN
    Key Master

    Involving him in legal matter will ruin all; it better meet him and consult.
    Legal matter should be last resort.

    go next week and see what they are saying; If your In laws prevent you from meeting him or giving filmsy answers, you can report Police that your husband is missing

    498A CRUSADER
    MYNATION.NET
    SUPARI.ORG
    Posted 7 years ago #
  7. PADMA
    Member

    HI ALL , i have spoke to his aunty regarding our meeting, they have suggested to meet on sunday, and i asked what is my husband saying she replied that they have made him understand and wanted me to adjust as per their rules and stay in his native, as iam working in bangalore i need at least 2 hours to travel to and 2 hours fro. in this case his aunty replied not to worry about house hold work what ever is possible i shall do or other wise my mother in law shall take care i dont no to what extent. i am hoping every one would stick on their words. iam ready to adjust to get my husband back in my life and win his heart. and my husband has stated that what ever my fatherin law decides he shall follow. tis to the status. i need all ur support and advice till i solve tis problem kinldy be in touch.

    Posted 7 years ago #
  8. PADMA
    Member

    every one has supported and adviced me i could really find and know what is the world and what is my part to perform as a human. apart from emotional feeling i could find we need to give up certain things and forget and move on this is live all the way. thanks a lot to all. i can say i was really worried to such a extent that i wanted to end my life. as i loved my husband a lot and i could not accept the fact that he is leaving me. u people have give me a new hope and guided me were i need to correct myself thank u. i am only waiting for the last task and win over this issue of my life, if tis happens firstly i want to thank this site organisers who give way to speak our problems and has been a source to solve our issues personally. and all others who took interest and given their precious time to an unknown human with hopes and advice towards life and problems. THANK U ALL.

    Posted 7 years ago #
  9. ADMIN
    Key Master

    Marriage all about give and take.
    Hope he will understand you and your needs.
    BEST OF LUCK.

    498A CRUSADER
    MYNATION.NET
    SUPARI.ORG
    Posted 7 years ago #
  10. berna
    Member

    I have a relative who filed for collaborative divorce for the ground of domestic violence. Your husband's beating is intolerable because he could do the same in the future. Don't ever tolerate your abusive husband. Love is all about respect. He should have treated you well as his wife, and he should see your worth.

    What I can advise is let him see a marriage counselor or therapist. If things remain abhorrent, then file a divorce.

    Posted 7 years ago #
  11. sanjaymehra
    Member

    Why is everything a competition between you and your husband ? Men and women have different abilities, strengths and weaknesses. You can't start a competition about if he can do this, why can't I do so. Learn to recognize that your strengths and weakness are different from your husband. It does not mean you are inferior than him, or superior. Just different. These differences are designed by nature to fulfil different tasks. Women have children, men don't. Therefore their body structure is different. Women are the care givers in the family, so the maternal instinct is stronger in a woman than it is in a man. Men have to provide and that forms the basis of how they feel about themselves. If you constantly try to compete with your husband, conflict is bound to be there.

    Posted 7 years ago #
  12. PADMA
    Member

    HI, THANK U for ur advice, as i said earlier too, i have realised my mistakes in tis relationship. infact i have realised my husband more than before which he was not. iam infact shocked for tis reactions.
    but i feel still he is human with his own rules. but i feel bad that he never care to understand me even after telling that iam sorry for my mistakes infact my mistakes are very less compared to his. still i bow my head to him because he is my love i care for him. if u see i did only one thing i repeately made him realise his mistakes thats all as he never consoled me after i told him once if he consouls me once when i talk i would not have repeated telling the same.
    now i make him realise he dosent want to listen. i only can feel he is sitting with his family and all are keeping him and making him think against me. This is the fact. In fact he told to come and stay in his native two weeks back before that my parents should come for a meeting with his parents. after that he came to collect money from me to give to his uncle which i had took, then he also asked for gas book i denied he beat me in road with his hand and helmet. i was simply wondering all were watching but i felt very back my husband beating me in road. in anger i told i will give complaint which i dint mean. For one year i never went to police i never want him to be insulted so. After which recently,
    His aunty asked to meet his parents. my mom called them his mom and dad is talking only unwanted things i e. about the marriage, money, and they say my mom what we have done to her son in law, and she says her son is handsome so my mother made me to marry him, and about owner of the house were we stayed said that i gave complaints about his family inseams i am wondering what are their intentions And fights keeping him at home. He is not even reacting to my msg. nor speaking to me. he is totally against me. First of all he went with anger, now i can say he is totally listening to his family parents sister her husband brother his wife, aunty uncle etc. i no what they are all are jealous that i married him free of cost. That he is very handsome and he would have got better girl to his family money dowry ECT. iam so worried i just dont have words to tell. iam hurt so much he was the one who came behind me he was the one to tell his family is treating him bad, he was the one who saw the marriage date,. he was the one to get money from his parents. now he is sitting with them and making them talk. its so hurting i just feel he is so cruel. his family is so cuel. they are not even worried iam a girl. if they spoil his head with all such words he may leave me and go away. His parents can’t talk what is required to settle our life. But want to take revenge because i married his freely. He does also not even understand. He feels he is man he will get girls to marry and enjoy life. As his family is supporting him. They said they shall come home and speak. His parents come its ok but they want to get his bro and his wife makes her speak. I can say as she doesn’t know how to behave to ealders I need to see all this and sit. As u can analise in his family parents don’t talk they do meetings with other family members and create mess. If I talk iam afraid my husband will get angry and run away from there also I no. I don’t know what to do.

    Posted 7 years ago #

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