MyNation Foundation Forum » Miscellaneous » Marital Problems


(43 posts)
  1. PADMA

    HI, iam 28yrs old , my husband and i have loved and married last year 2008 oct, wen ever he hurted me I used to raise my voice and get beatings as my neighbors told to lodge a complaint but since i love him i never did that and waited him to change. Although he used to hurt me due to rules and regulations of his family i used to tell him to not to force me or hurt me in such matters. for eg: his sister and her husband had bought some sex cds to home which i dint like. And my husband beat me for it saying its all common. many such things used to take place which gave way for me to race my voice. recently my husband and i had an argument as he always used to go sit in his aunts house one hour before going to work i told him to drop me to some near bus stop as iam working he denied and used to spend time in aunts house then went to work. after 2 days i told him if he is doing same i shall not cook and to have food tere itself THINKING HE WOULD CHANGE .for which he got angry and called his mom but she without even judging told him to leave me and come to her native and go to work from her house. he called my parents and left me with them even dint talk a word. Since same week we had to vaccat the house he came with his bro and took all his things. His family told to wait for a month so that he is cool as he is always hitemper let him be free and after a month we both shall live together. i spoke to his mom she told the same. I agreed to it. Recently I msg him to take me home or find a house or shall I find a house he told he wont come any were but to stay with him in his native, I agreed to it but before that I need to get my parents to talk with his parents.
    Recently he came asking for money which we had to pay to his uncle ie interest amount. I some how arranged and gave he also torchered me to give gas book as some one is in need . I told its our property we cant give it others later if we are in need then what. But he started getting angry telling its his money and beat me IN ROAD when he came to collect the money and said he dose not want to live with me. Now he is not contacting me nor allowing me to stay with him. What shall I do. If I take my parents for talk also they all with fight and make mess and may tell he is not willing to lead his life with me its left to him. Were shall I go. Iam a female iam married. I will loose all my respect in society. Pl guid me pl tell me what I can do will I get to stay with him with the help of law. Or he just telling that iam torchering can win his case. And leave me easily and lead his life with other female.
    Wehad fights for sex cds given by his sister
    His behivour was so that made me to talk.
    If I go to his sis house I should stay tere even after I dint had proper clothes to were.
    After marriage I had to listen words from his family stating that since I dint allow his sis to stay for first night in our house I am not a virgin.

    There are many issues for which we had fights today they all are making issue that iam torchering him and he wants to leave me. Pl tell me what shall I do. I want to live with him. My whole life is depending upon him.

    Posted 8 years ago #
  2. Adv.Kachave

    I have gone through your matter, whether you have kid or not you have not mentioned, if your husband is torturing physically & mentally then you have choice of prosecuting him for the said offences & if you will do that there will be chances of spoiling your matrimnial relationship with him, so you try to settle with the help of your & his relatives, friends,. If not suceed you issue him legal notice through advocate for the steps taken by you, I think he will come on way. Try your leval best, if not possible contact me, i will find any way.
    good luck.
    9224799546, 9821387099

    Adv.Ramchandra N.Kachave
    98, 2nd floor, Esplanade Mansion,Kala Ghoda, Near City Civil Sessions Court,
    Posted 8 years ago #
  3. james

    Hi Padma,
    I really had to go through many times to analyze different pieces. This is what I think. I may be wrong. But I feel you should relax and give a deep thinking on your situation. Don’t take any hasty decision without analyzing the consequences. You are the Capitan or your own ship and destiny.

    No matter what, no one should be spared if you are physically abused. ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE. No one has any right to physically abuse you. But let me ask you this question (or analyze them yourself).

    What lead to the physical abuse?
    What are those little things that lead differences between you both?
    What type of a person is he? By what you explained I believe yours is a love marriage. Don’t you know him in detail before marriage or is he a changed person?
    Does he have an anger management issue or do you drive him to his limit with your endless arguments when he is not willing or not in a position to talk.

    Instead of endless yelling at each other, have you ever felt that you both have to sit down and discuss to sort out issues between you both. You seem to be employed and you know what exactly you want. At the age of 28, don’t you think whether its right or not to consult your neighbors for your personal problems? OR to comment on sex CD’s that were brought by your sis-in-law and her husband? Its her personal life and why do you want to comment? My point is, different people will take your comment in different sense at different times. As much as you don’t want someone to get into your (both of your) very personal issues, your hubby might not have liked your commenting on his sister. Just think, did you comment more than once? Did you comment with others too?

    You might have been arguing on silly issue. You got to know where to stop and when to say sorry. This applies to everyone. I know someone who argues endlessly at home when the kids are around and there will be a cold war for weeks and months. Understand the impact of this on the kids, parents and well-wishers.

    Just think, talking to 3 neighbors and 3 lawyers will leave you with more questions than answers. When something is going out of control, you should have involved your parents. Only your parents know what’s “in your best interest”. Not your neighbors or lawyers.

    Did you ever make an attempt to find why your husband is spending 1 hour at his aunt’s house? Instead of solving the problem, you went an extra step asking him to have his lunch there itself. I am convenience that there should have been a heated argument on this. I am someone who believes strongly that threatening in a relationship will not work. Relationship will not work where there is a fear, insecurity and/or threatening. I am not trying to find fault with you. Probably all these questions will help you in thinking and analyzing the situation.

    I am sorry for the act of your mother in law. But trust me, its very common for the parent to take their son’s (or their child’s) side.

    See, no couple is perfect. Every couple have up’s and downs. And I don’t think this is a very complex issue (wish I am correct on this). Any problem can be resolved by discussing with a rational thought process. Using elders on both sides might help. But when you discuss with both of your parents, I am sure you both will bring out weaknesses in each other. But you got to resolve those differences and make sure both of you identify what works and what does not. But if its too complicated, don’t you think its better to go in different directions? You got to think this in long term rather than short term. If both of you are not happy in this marriage and if its not working, a midst of all this chaos, confusion and no-trust, you bring in a child (hope you don’t have a kid and you are not pregnant yet. If so, don’t plan a kid soon). How will the kid have better life when you both are not compatible? Most of the people think that bring a kid in family will end all family problems. But that’s very wrong thinking. If something is not right between parents, it has long term impact on kids. Physiologist say that kids tend to take the blame.

    But please, don’t live together for the sake of your parents or society. You got to live only if there is true love and respect for each other.

    Do not wage a war listening to your neighbors and lawyers. You can go legally and get an order to stay with your husband. Use that as a last resort but understand that it will have a different impact on relationship. Hope you get me. I wish you good luck.


    Posted 8 years ago #
  4. Dr.Dsouza

    I seen many women will not object any rules and regulations till they get married(as its a Love Marriage) and PADMA is 28 years old, so she should be mature enough to know how is husband family before getting married to him.

    As per her own words Good morals (She call it rules and regulations) hurt her, it means she want carefree(bindaas) life. not only that she raised voice too, in its actual mean, she shouted back, yelled at him.

    When someone is satying in Joint family they have adjust, and they should not object what others are doing for themself, as this lady objected for some English movie which she call it SEX CD.

    When man goes to his other relatives house, when he cant face arguing / grumbling wife for every word, that also today women will not digest and tell above that she will stop cooking.

    After all, i never seen Indian women(sister) giving SEX CD to brother (anyone beleive this ?)

    and blaming husband for all her mistakes, now she want to stay with him by force.

    i can say Love cann`t be won by force. it should be give and take.

    Posted 8 years ago #
  5. PADMA

    HI MR adv.Ramachandra, thank you for your kind reply, i understand you advice and thought of going a head with mutual compromise, with my husband and his family, i spoke to his parents, they how ever told to stay with them and my husband in their native, their talks made me feel they are worried if i go for a police , apart from that they adviced me good and bad and also i asked sorry for any mistake from my end. sir i still feel they are not trust worthy, in a way my fatherin laws words made me feel that i am allowed to stay with them but some time i feel they want to take out personal gridge before i stay their my family needs to talk to them, i do no what it is all about, let me explain: recently my co sis ter had adviced me to slap my husband back if he is beating me. since she had done the same with her husband. and now he is fearing her. by mistake i spoke the same to my husband when he beat me stating that she told me to slap back. my husband had told the same to my motherin law i believe and in turn she had fought with my co sister for teaching me this. keepin this in mind my co sis had come to my house with my motherinlaw and in turn blamed me that i have ego that i work thats y i fight with my husband and so on.. she called my sis and told that i and my mother fought when she came home in turn she had come to fight and take the gridge upon me. my sis got angry and scolded her and stated that whole family is hope less and make mess always. keep this in mind my co sis has filled what not in to my inlaws head and my husbands head. that all want to have a talk.. sir iam totALLY CONFUSED WHAT TO DO SHALL I TAKE MY PARENTS AND CLEAR THE ISSUE OR JUST GO AND STAY THERE IF I GO ALONE MY HUSBAND MY TORCHER ME FOR THIS MATTER. IAM NOT ABLE TO JUDGE. IF I TAKE MY PARENTS IAM AFRAID THEY MAY MAKE MESS AND WANTELY USE THE SITUATION TO MAKE ME FAR. PL TELL ME??? WHAT IS UR ADVICE.

    Posted 8 years ago #
  6. PADMA

    HI MR, JAMES THANK U for ur kind reply, let me explain , we loved each other and cared each others got married stayed seperatly, after 2 to 3 months problems started, first of all i blam my self for being possive about my husband sir, he is like my god like a kid i adore him a lot . he is my hapiness my whole life depends on him. iam not like other girls just say marriage kids oldage and death. i believe in true love care. i hope u understand how much important he is to me. after marriage he got a job in pvt co. were i realised that his boss is not proper i the sence, once we went to a trip. his boss called his wife and lied that he is on a meeting abroad.. i dont bother.. sir he speaks this way in front of me and my husband.. madam dont feel bad..iam saying this.. hey sharath see u should not bent to ur wife in life not to his family what they want u get them what else they want see my wife wanted handycam i brought her ect. and said make use of office girls in a nice way u no what iam telling if u have to get ur work done in office. sir all such words really hurted me.. i thought for a wile dont u think these words make an impact on my husband since he is still young. first of all his boss lied to his wife and stated all these to my husband in front of me. u tell me sir being a wife will any one not feel bad..?? and my hubby behaves so close to all girls hit each other and talk he allows them to call him in singular. if i do the same he hates and beats. i ask him when those girls can call u so why not i sir is that i need to see all this and cry in dark or guide my husband make him realise that all this is not good and to be proper. afte some days one of his coluges died in madikeri. my husband is so worried to go with her to that place along with other coluges. i was sick i had throught infection. i told him to get me hot water he is telling me u go take. sir. iam his wife see he is worried to go so far and console her iam nothing for him after marriage sir, if i ask its a fight. then a last due to non avalibiity of vehical he stayed back . casually we were talking he started feeling bad stating that she lost her fater she is a good girl and so on i told ok leave u said she has a oy friend she will marry and be happyy u no what is his responce?? hey she is not such a girl ok. i wondered what happened to him and closed the topic. sir all such things started hurting me personlally. i feared if he will change which he is now, i told him to quit the job sir in a different way is that i did wrong. he was harrsing me in these ways sir.. i am personally hurt. i felt he is having so much of time in office to understand other girls but not his wife, i felt before he would hurt me more let his go to other job sir, if i tell all this i not this law this society will not support me.. these are the tw reasons which gave way to problems.. if i ask also he feels iam fighting he never understands his behavior hurts me he is married its my life with him.. tell me what is my mistake sir. SIR MY BIG MISTAK IS THAT I USED TO MESSAGE HIM IN ANGER BUT MY MESSAGES ARE TOWRDS FOR HIM TO UNDERSTAND AND CORRECT HIM SELF SIR.. KEEPING THAT IN MIND HE IS TELLING ME IAM TORCHERING HIM IAM AFRAID KEEPING MSG HE MAY PROVE TO OTHERS THAT I TORCHERED HIM AND WIN THE CASE IF HE GOES LEAGALLY .. IS THAT POSSIBLE SIR?// IAM TRYING TO MAKE CONVENCE HIM FROM MY END BUT IAM AFRAID TO LOOSE HIM AS I LOVE HIM A LOT I DONT WAN TTO LOOSE HIM.

    Posted 8 years ago #
  7. Madhup

    why is ADV Kachave asking her to contact him and he will help her to file case.
    Even if there is physical violence, how can case solve her marriage. Advocates have
    lost it when she herself does not mention violence, it is shameful we have allowed
    such advocates in our society.

    Posted 8 years ago #
  8. sstggn

    Dear Madhup
    Advocate Kachave ne yeh bhi to advice kiya hai ki Padma matter ko batchit v rishtedaro ki madad se settle kare and she has option to file cases but same may spoil her life. Ab yeh Padma par hai ki voh kathin lekin thik rasta chunti hai ya shuru me aasan (vakil aur court ka) lekin galat

    court jyada se jyada us ghar me jagah v masik paisa dilwa sakti hai, rishta nahi bana sakti
    Rishte court me nahi sudharte ya judte hain, vahan keval tode jaate hain aur dararon ko khai banaya jaata hai tute rishte court nahi jod sakti

    so Adv ka kya kasoor
    chunna to Padma ko hai woh kaon sa rasta chunti hai yeh uski mansikta aur uske advisors par nirbhar hai

    Posted 8 years ago #
  9. ADMIN
    Key Master

    Women do not understand till its too late for patchup.

    In marriage there should not be ego and never tried to dominate each other.
    everything with Mutual respect and Love.

    Many time i seen todays women do **** for tat, when man do something, she will do something else to hurt him in revenge. and this will keeps on till it reaches court.

    PADMA, if you want to make your marriage work then, do not listen to anyone, decide what you want. If you think he is good for you then ask elders to talk. Forget past whatever mistakes happend between you both. Make him understand as yours is Love Marriage. hope he will understand.

    Problems are there in every marriage, and only you both will find solution for that not others, others will give their views.
    Make him understand his responsibilities towards you and family.
    Love him
    think from his ****
    Share your pain and happiness.

    and If you cant do this, call any Lawyer he will get you Brand name DIVORCEE.

    Posted 8 years ago #
  10. james

    Hi Padma,
    Human relations between couple can be as simple as possible as fiends and as complicated as possible like bilateral ties of two enemy countries.

    As an adult you got to know when to argue (or yell) and when to talk & let things go.
    You got to know that fine line between trust and insecurity.

    Many of the women mess up their peaceful life just due to insecurity and the famous term they quote is “being possessive”. Can you assess? In the process of being possessive, you might have started controlling and this could be without (or with) your knowledge. You got to know when to back off with your heated arguments and yelling when you are pushing your man to his limits. I am not trying to find fault with you. You got to know the human dynamics when emotions of multiple people are involved.

    There is a very famous saying. There is a woman behind every mans success but also there is a women behind every women’s failure. And that woman could be your co-sister. The reaction and human dynamics between your co-sis and her husband might be way different than between you and your husband. What I want to explain is “no two people are same and no solution is same for two couples”. If you think slapping your husband would solve, then probably you got to think twice. I know that you don’t have such intentions. But believe me, building trust takes twice the time and breaking would only take half the time. By your explanation, I feel your in-laws are have taken in the sense that you are threatening them. In a relation, you got to know two golden rules and how to use them appropriately. They are:

    1. I am sorry
    2. I love you

    Probably your in-laws are expecting the first one and your husband is expecting both. There is absolutely no harm is saying sorry if that makes someone feel better (pl., I don’t mean that you should take some crazy blame). Trust me; it comes a long way for you. Ego and anger cannot sustain a relation. When its appropriate, explain your hubby how much you love him. I am sure, if he did a mistake, he will not hesitate to apologize.

    And what ever is happening in hubby’s office or his boss, why do you care? I don’t think any educated boss would talk ill about women or office. Because that’s his work place. No one would insult their work or profession.

    OR are you under influence of your co-sis that’s making you think all negative about his work place and people (or do you have too much time to think only negative). The more and more I read of what you are trying to convey, I have a stronger feeling that your insecurity is peeving into your martial life. Please, give yourself and your hubby some time and think rationally. See if you both can get out for a short vacation.

    Please, I am not trying to find fault with you. You just got to understand each other. My only aim is to save a family who loves each other. Which I see in you but you got to express it to him minus your yelling and insecurity. There is only one reason to save a marriage and that is both of you love each other. But just look around you get hundreds of reasons to break.

    My best wishes.


    Posted 8 years ago #
  11. Adv.Kachave

    I have already advised you.
    If again any problem contact on 9224799546, 9821387099

    Adv.Ramchandra N.Kachave
    98, 2nd floor, Esplanade Mansion,Kala Ghoda, Near City Civil Sessions Court,
    Posted 8 years ago #
  12. PADMA

    THANK YOU ALL FOR UR ADVICE, I UNDERSTAND KEEPING MY SELF IN HIS POSITION. WERE IAM WRONG . FINALLY AS I FEEL THEY WANT ME TO Talk with them in this regard to win my husband i will try to fall to any extent. thats finally what i can do. as i have already told him iam sorry, and would not hurt him in any matter in life even if i get hurt by him or his family its in his hands to spoil my life or keep me happy.. at least as a human. i wish all u people pray for me and bless me for my future. a happy life with my husband. i do no that my miskae is i always felt he is mine and guided him but i undersrtand no matter what all humans are different no one can be the same even if there is love between them many matter vary in life . we need to be concious and not possive and spoil our relation. i believe all u people are in a stage to understand life and people and adviced me.. i have promised my self to proceed legaly in this matter personally nor by others force.. i still believe in my love and god that he would come to me. even if dose not still forgive me and no his mistakes also and give me life i will not hurt him only because he is my love.. may be one day he would realise my love and come back... he has told me to stay with him i his native but still before that he wants me to get my parents iam only afraid if his family make a mess and bring wrong toughts in his mind . i leave it to god, when i have relaised my mistake and asked sory to him only god has to save my future and give me happiness... i would not ask him one word if he says to leave him i will come out with tears silently... if he really has loved me he will come or i wil think he never loved me ,,, tis is my finaly decesion i shall catch u people with the finaly results once again thank u all for ur support.. thankyou very much kindly pray for me.. i dont no were all u r from but may be god has directd u people to help me guide me thanks a lot...

    Posted 8 years ago #

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